Possible Sinus Infection

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Well, DH and I have been sick off and on a  month now and not feeling any better. I spoke with someone yesterday who used to work in the medical field and was told we both probably have a sinus infection. Which would explain the horrible cheek pain, headache and the intense pain of sitting at the computer more than ten minutes at a time the last two weeks. Even on the lowest bright setting it is like paper cuts to my eyes! I was advised I should try steaming my face for a few days and if that doesn’t work then get antibiotics, which is fine because it’s the holiday season and I don’t know if I can get into the GP easily right now, so I’ll happily try whatever. All yesterday the kitchen is monopolized. There is no hob free, all the counters are full of crap. Finally the ogre gets drunk and passes out so DH makes some dinner, we eat then I notice he’s gone to bed. Great, I can go steam my face. I boil the kettle, make room on the hob and pour the water in/turn it on. Two minutes pass. I’m still waiting for the pot to start boiling. Nope! Here comes the ogre! So I say F it and go back upstairs. I’ll see if I can try it  tonight after he’s gone to bed. I was just so mad last night.

DH has been going through an old diary of his moms that the ogre didn’t find yet and reading it. It doesn’t seem anything personal, but more of a – I went to the store today, I talked to this person today thing. No personal thoughts. Some more memories have come up while reading the journal, one of them being his dad cheated on his mom multiple times and her telling DH about it. When I first came here he went to find matches in his dad’s room and found a bottle of viagra. He asked me about it. It was very awkward. And no, it wasn’t for use with ogre’s wife. It would be impossible with her condition for them to do it. He told me last night his mom did not like the housecleaner. I have told DH before I suspect something between the two. When I came here I was cleaning the house and DH and I mentioned I could continue cleaning to earn my keep while I wasn’t allowed to work. Ogre would not get rid of the housekeeper. “It’s very complicated” he would say and blow us off. He would keep telling us that he needed to give her a job or else she couldn’t get pregnant via IVF. Ok. I’m sure she could get another client. He also has this pet name he calls her. Anyway a couple weeks ago we saw his overnight bag in the hallway along with a wine bag with a bottle of wine and a card for her. If it was a b-day or Christmas gift why not give it to her the next week when she came? (this was before Xmas) It’s pretty obvious he was dropping it off. At her house? That would be too unprofessional, at another of her client’s house while she’s working? Again, unprofessional. Bit odd if you ask me. I had to make another tasteless joke to DH as the woman is Polish. Does she have a visa? Maybe he’ll get in a relationship with her and see if he can try to sabotage her visa too!

Rethinking Meal plans

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The ogre offered DH some of the curry he took to someone’s house the other day. You know, the pork curry he let sit out for days? He told DH he put it in our fridge. First, the ogre’s fridge which is 2-3 times the size of ours (we have a tiny under the table dorm fridge) is completely full of food that he purchased for dinner parties, holiday crap and the like. Most of it is just rotting away in there as usual. He has no room in there, so it put the curry in ours, then asks DH if he wants it. DH says no. We have been making out quite well at the nightly discount aisle on bags of lettuce, vegetables etc. So our fridge is fairly full. Now we have his curry crap in our fridge which I think is just in there because he didn’t have space. 

Ogre has been ignoring the plumbing issues again. Last time the ceiling down below in the dining room began to leak because of it. Then the contents of the toilet backed up into the tub. DH was actually very sick during that time with um… the craps when that happened. Shit all backed up into the bathtub. The tub has not drained properly in 2-3 weeks. Finally it just stopped draining. It is now full of large black pieces of mystery stuff and chunks of green that look like shredded leaks. We are not allowed to use the tub nor the sink in the bathroom. I’ve not bathed in three days now. This is just stupid and preventable. 

Ogre is having his dinner party this afternoon, as figured he confiscated the chairs. I guess I should be lucky I have a chair at all. DH and I took some others from downstairs that no one uses. They are so ungodly uncomfortable that’s why. Sitting in it for two days the last time the chairs were taken actually gave me a large black and purple bruise on my thigh about five inches by three just from sitting on it. I swear it is without a doubt a torture device!!

There were more money issues due to DH not paying attention to his bank account. 😦

I’m trying to get our grocery bill down, right now we spend 25 pounds a week on meat and eggs and about 20 at the store for misc items. I know we could eat a lot cheaper/better if we could use the kitchen reliably, but that’s not going to happen any time soon. I’m trying to get the meal cost down to under a pound per person per meal. Right now we just eat discount aisle food or ramen for most meals. I’d like to make and freeze a few meals which I can try to thaw on the radiators upstairs. But we need to spend money on plastic boxes, so every time the ogre gets curry now we are going to take the boxes out of the trash and save/reuse them. I even wonder how this will go. The ogre loves buying expensive large cuts of meats and putting them in the deep freeze, he seems to just toss them in. The result is that other crap he’s bought like packs of sausages, pre-made hamburger patties, pies get either smashed or the plastic wrapper gets torn allowing freezer burn. I joked with DH saying I’m glad we couldn’t afford a wedding cake, because if we froze it and ate it on our anniversary it would look unrecognizable due to the ogre just tossing stuff in there on top of it. So half of me wonders if the plastic containers which aren’t that strong will be shattered. We’ll see. All I can really do is try. 

More job hunting. It’s been over a year of applying for jobs. I’ve applied to at least a couple thousand. I’ve come to the conclusion no body wants me. Maybe it’s a sign. Even the shit jobs don’t want me for cleaning toilets. My old career field won’t have me back since I’ve been out of work over a year – said a recruiter last year and seems to be the case. Sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever get out of this hell hole. All I need is someone to take a chance on me!! I’m a good loyal employee and have always got raises or awards, I always do more than my fair share! I hate sitting here unable to do a damn thing until someone hires me. I was even desperate last year and tried catalog selling door to door which netted me in the negatives. And it’s not like once I have a job everything will be fine and dandy, it will still take months to scrimp and save to move out!! So please, someone give me a job, now would be nice!!

Well, the lunch/dinner guests have arrived. It absolutely sucks being broke as fuck, jobless and seeing people spend more money on a lunch that my husband and I do a month and a half for both of us on groceries, then knowing most of it will just be going to waste! 

Someone better deal gran a losing hand

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The ogre has been staying home more often with the gran. He ditched her pretty much every day the first four days she was here. I thought it would stay that way, but he’s been home more. ICK. He has even been playing cards with the gran! The ogre never plays cards or games with anyone. I guess the old lady is getting bored here. I can’t blame her. A bad joke, but I told DH last night I hope she doesn’t win at cards!! -Because in my previous entries I mentioned how DH’s sister won at cards one time years ago while on vacation and gloated about winning. The ogre’s response: Bash her head against the wall a few times. Because you know, that’s a normal reaction when you lose a game. I think the more disturbing part was this apparently happened infront of a few family members. I guess they were all OK with it. 

 

We had a laugh or rather a grimace the other day. The ogre came home with ten trays of chicken pieces – thighs etc. It was evident he was going to try to cook. Which means we are screwed for using the kitchen all day. So the beast makes a couple pots of curry. Then we think, is there another dinner party here? Because, as you know, he never communicates anything with us. We saw something in his day planner about another dinner party on Sunday. (oh joy) As the ogre has filled his fridge to the brim with food that he’ll just let rot anyway, he has no room for the curry. Is it really going to sit out on the stove four days before he serves it to people? Granted he’s had dinner parties where the food has sat out longer than that, but I digress. But nope, it only sat out two days before it was whisked off somewhere last night with him and the grandmother. I imagine it was some family get together. 

Now the worry of the day is, is there really going to be a dinner party here again tomorrow? How will we eat today (as he’d be making food ahead of time), how will we eat tomorrow? The ogre will want to confiscate our chairs we use for the dining table again. Will he be asking for them before or after DH has gone to work? Then there is the dread of him knocking on the door when I’m here alone asking that I take them down. And I won’t. DH and I have agreed for my own safety that I am to be no where near him alone. Then what happens if I refuse to bring them down until DH is home? My anxiety level just goes haywire. And this shouldn’t even be an issue at all, but because of the way he is… it IS!

You’re an idiot, sir

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I’m hungry last night and so DH goes downstairs to make me ramen. The few minutes he’s down there he’s ambushed by the ogre. “You need to clean up after yourself when you use the kitchen!” Before the ogre went into full asshole mode a year and a half ago I used to clean the kitchen after everyone constantly. It was never a mess. Now we clean up but it’s not as frequent. We don’t want to be downstairs more than we have to. Sometimes we wait hours to go make food because the ogre is still in the kitchen. Doing what, we don’t know. There are times we leave a pot or two on the hob dirty and don’t wash it till he goes away that day or wait till late at night or in the morning. It’s hard avoiding him. This is his sleep schedule: 3am – 7am. The man never sleeps, he’s so hopped up on caffeine pills. 

DH apparently left a grill pan in the oven dirty. We found it in the sink earlier this week soaking. The ogre likes to soak dishes overnight so that if the dish wasn’t completely infused with grease it now is after sitting in cold water for hours. Then he’ll not rinse it and put it in the drying rack. So DH got out the pan, washed it, used it for his lunch then went back to work. So it was dirty again. The ogre tells him last night about finding it dirty again – granted it wasn’t even like the ogre washed it before, it was just sat in the sink nasty. Anyway, DH says he used it again and by the time he got home from work it was too late to wash it up because he would be making a racket. (Which is funny because the ogre will “wash” dishes for hours in the kitchen under our bedroom and slam and bash things around at 3 am) The ogre wanted to use that pan to put a thawing leg of lamb in. There were other bigger pans he could have used that would have made more sense size wise, but he didn’t want to use those!

After DH tells the ogre the reasonings why it wasn’t washed, the ogre says, well what about this pan you used and didn’t clean?!  DH replies: “I didn’t use that, you used that when you made roast a couple nights ago.”  

 

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Yeah, the ogre was trying to bitch out DH for a dirty pan he created DAYS ago. “Oh, I take that back then.” says the ogre. So now DH has shown the ogre he’s a moron. I wonder what punishment will be next. Sometimes we like to joke about what the next punishment will be. Maybe he will hire a wrecking ball to come through our bedroom wall while we are trying to sleep. Slamming dishes, cupboards and running the washing machine that sounds like a helicopter at 4am just doesn’t do it anymore. 

 

This isn’t much about PA-ness, but rather about how inconvenient it is not being able to use the house phone.

As DH and I are always strapped for cash when I started looking for work I was using his mobile number. I didn’t get that many calls back but even then it was an issue as he always has his phone with him it is very much needed for his job. So I would have to have them call me and leave a message then wait till he got home for lunch then call them back. If I couldn’t get through to them then I would have to try later. I honestly don’t want a mobile phone. I know some may look at me in horror like I’m nuts, but I don’t want one. I shouldn’t have to have one to get a phone call. There is a house phone here. It shouldn’t be such a big deal to make local calls and receive them, but I can’t. I can’t go downstairs to answer the phone and when it rings the ogre jumps to answer it. Might be someone that he can trap into a 45 minute conversation about how great he is! 

We broke down and bought a junker 10 pound phone for me in October and with 30 pound credit which was required. That phone hasn’t worked one day. We called to activate it, it was never activated. Between being sick, the car constantly breaking down and DH working morning and night shifts most days we didn’t actually get to the mobile phone store until yesterday. After an hour and a half there talking to reps and back on the phone to the mobile company nothing was resolved. They wanted us to spend more money to do a work around. NO! Our case was escalated, they’d call back in a few hours. They never did. We called them back. The rep said it was never escalated. Apparently there is a huge fault with the sim card and the IT people must look at it. I must wait until Tuesday nor or in other words five more days for a possible resolution, then they can try to reactivate it again. A real hassle over a simple mobile. All I want to do is use the F-ing house phone to receive and make calls from!!!

Christmas

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Yesterday’s fun time: DH looks for his house keys, it’s not downstairs on the side table where they always are and they aren’t upstairs. Where could they be? Oh, the ogre hid them in his office on the shelf… why? So DH is now bringing up his keys, we don’t need the keys going missing especially on a night he has to work. I swear…

Well, it’s six pm, I think Christmas for the most part is over. The ogre and his mom went to someone’s house to celebrate. What family member’s house they went to, we have no idea. Again, we were not told nor invited. We began to think that celebrations were being had here due to the ogre having five or six pans of vegetables out on the counter ready to cook last night. But nope, at noon they finally left along with the pans of vegetables. There is a ton of food sitting around – crackers, cheese, snack type things – so who knows what tomorrow will bring. But I was able to do the laundry, hang it up in the bedroom to dry and get my festive Christmas ramen. That is a win for the day. The rest of the day I was sick and slept off and on.

I see DH and I were able to avoid getting a stocking this year. Every year the ogre puts one outside of his door for Christmas morning. Last year we got a stocking with 2 cans of beans in it. This year I was curious as the gran is here. Will he try to make himself out as generous? Nope. No card nor stocking this year, which is a relief in a lot of ways. DH was smart this year and didn’t spend money on the ogre for a gift. Last year I begged him not to, but DH spent about 30 pounds on a gift for the ogre. Mind you, days before that the ogre treated DH terrible after his mom’s dead, excluded him, cut off his pay without notice and did not invite him to Christmas…yet DH bought him a box set of Black Adder. What did he get in return? Two cans of beans. We could have used the money for food. (At that time it was eat .03p cans of mushy peas to save money. Yes, at one point Tesco did stock .03p cans of peas!! Now I think they are .11p) But, back then DH was still… I don’t know how to say it nicely…so…stupid. He was hurt by his dad but yet went and bought a present I feel to try to win back the ogres…affection? Not that the man ever showed any. 

DH’s sister got him a gift and put it under the tree. God knows what that is, but we think it’s a tin of candy. I wonder if it’s like the candy she got him last year, you know that was probably regifted? It was given to him and the chocolates expired the next month lol! They didn’t taste that great either. The daughter got one gift for DH, one for the gran and three for the ogre. Suck up. We noticed the ogre put a Christmas bag under the tree with presents inside. No names on the presents though. One was easy to open so we opened it and resealed it out of curiosity. It was a box of chocolates that he was given during his dinner party a few weeks ago. I have to wonder if the obviously wrapped bottle of wine that is also in the bag is going to be the bottle of wine he was brought during that dinner party as well. I’d have to guess he’s inviting people over for a party and making a grab bag type thing. 

 

Even though I have the strength to make light or be deadpan about the situation it is still hurtful. Who wants to pack up their life move across the ocean just to witness abuse, be treated terribly, have their new “family” do the silent treatment for now a year and four months and be treated subhuman. No one. I had a dysfunctional family and have been abused: mentally, physically and sexually for thirty years by several different people – my mom, my stepdad, my sister, my ex husband and his family, various boyfriends now this. I used to see my mom pick losers and think to myself I don’t want to be like this – but all her losers were drunken violent men. I found one violent man and the first time he tried something on me I tossed him out and never spoke to him again. Never answered the door or phone when he came around. I thought losers were really visible – I never really thought about people who inflicted covert abuse. And with being codependent it makes it so much easier to constantly pick unknowingly someone who is abusive.

 I hate the situation here but I love DH. He is quite kind, caring and someone I feel has potential … probably because he too is codependent lol I however realize that if he does not change his ways – the lying, porn addiction, needing attention to feed his damaged self esteem from other girls that we are over. I understand that living with his dad has made him this way, that he is a product of his dad, but it does not make things easy. I’m constantly stuck between wanting to go and wanting to see if therapy makes a difference. I know DH will always be damaged like I am to some extent. 

DH has been telling me some childhood stories

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Having just gotten out of an emotionally abusive relationship and was recovering I got involved with DH. As we were thousands of miles apart our relationship had to go a bit differently from others. We could only see each other so many times before we had to make a decision of whether or not to get married. I asked him outright if there were any psychological issues with his family. He assured me there was not. I also made it quite clear there is one thing in a relationship I will NOT tolerate – lying. Which he continues to do. His last lie was yesterday. I told him that I will start keeping track. You know the signs they have at constructions sites: X many days free of a work place injury?  Well I’m going to post one of those on the door. X many days since he’s lied. 

At the beginning of our relationship he said nothing was wrong. After a year of prodding him he’s admitted to having some unpleasant memories of his father. Now, 2.5 years in he has been telling me quite a few things this week involving his past. I hope they are not made up in attempts to garner sympathy. That will be the last straw. It’s hard to believe anything from him, he’s such a liar. If they are true then he had a really emotionally abusive childhood that he has been repressing for awhile. I won’t go into great detail what he told me, but he tells me these stories but then can’t remember what made him feel this way or do certain things. As an outsider listening its like he was conditioned as a child to act a certain way and it’s caused all sorts of havoc in his adult life. I will list two examples: Ogre only listened to classical music and that’s what DH thought he should ONLY listen to. He would hear songs on the radio or at school that he found likeable but as soon as he would hear the song or could hear the song lyrics in his head he would panic. He would try humming the classical song trying to get the pop song out of his head or else he felt bad. He thought liking these songs were wrong. Btw, the family here is not overtly religious, so that’s not it. Another one – he used to leave his window open at night and it would frighten him a bit, but he did it so monsters could take him away from this place. There are many other stories being told to me this week…and I’m really kind of shocked DH can’t figure out that something was wrong with his childhood. Granted he didn’t have to know what kind of loony his dad was, but there should be a feeling at least of – this does not feel right, maybe this is not right. 

I don’t know… I had a talk with him about his facebook. He plays three different games at once and watches movies. This is his enjoyment time: Go to one webpage, click a billion times on the click game, go to next window a second later do the same thing, click to movie page, watch 5 seconds of it, go to other game do something for 5 seconds, rinse repeat. It’s like repetitive clicking is comforting or addicting. The act of it seems more of an addiction than actually enjoyment. I asked him why not concentrate on two things at once and spend time in your game instead of just seconds here and there for hours? I also asked him if he would put facebook on hold for the next week and try reading some of the stories on the Out of the Fog forums about covert abuse.  So, we’ll see. 

I wonder sometimes if there will ever be hope for DH to change. He’s told me stories before and when I’ve mentioned I thought it was messed up he’d fail to see what was wrong or downplay it. I hope he doesn’t downplay in his head these childhood stories he is telling me. Let me give you an example of a story he downplayed. He found a toad when he was younger and played around with it, he then left it with his sister (who is a carbon copy of the ogre) while he went into the house I think to get someone to come see the toad. He comes back and the toad is dead. In that short time his sister took something and smashed it to death. He does not see the disturbing part in this. The fact that within a short period of time his sister killed it. The fact that she had to have struck it multiple times to have killed it then showed no remorse supposedly.

Anyway… I have more jobs to apply to… there are actually a few IN town! 

Grandma is staying for awhile

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Seems DH’s gran is staying for two weeks. Oh joy. You might be wondering if the ogre told us? Ha-ha. Of course not. He left his day planner out so we had a look at that. 

Yesterday morning was fun. I went to use the toilet and the seat was down – which the ogre likes to do from time to time especially if the doesn’t flush his nasty diarrhea. (Granted a lot of times he just leaves it open with that there…) The gran’s been here four days so far and I’ve not really noticed her putting down the seat. So I suspect it is him. Well, on the toilet seat someone has smeared brown stuff (I can pretty much guess what it is…) right in the middle of the lid on the front and back where one would normally put their hand to lift it. I ignored it and lifted from another side and used it. The thing about it was that it looks like there was fingernail drag marks through it. EWW! 

Some might wonder, why not clean it up? I’m done with that. I have to clean up the shit in the bathtub every day to use it. I’m tired of cleaning and flushing shit on/in the toilet. The ogre is doing it on purpose for shock value and to punish us. Every time we clean it up or flush it he gets his jollies knowing that we’ve seen it and had to deal with it. I’m not giving him satisfaction anymore. So the toilet seat magically found itself down again last night. I guess he thought someone would go in there in the middle of the night too tired to notice the shit and touch it. What a child.

Also, as the bathroom borders our bedroom wall and you can hear everything through the wall I’ve noticed another thing. DH’s gran doesn’t wash her hands either. EWWW. When I mention the door slamming and the not washing hands of his Gran DH has nothing to say. I mention these things because I’ve asked him before if he thinks his Gran shares traits that the ogre has or has possibly caused him to be like that. 

Speaking of Gran, she gave DH a gift last night. He handed it to me, I looked at it. There was random old tape on the paper, a hole in the paper and where it had been taped (newly) just an inch on both sides by the new tape you could tell it was taped there previously and tore off. I mentioned this. I think he got a regifted gift. “Oh, maybe she reused the paper.”  Hey…maybe who knows.