Ogre’s mother has arrived. I’ve not personally seen the woman and DH has spent about five minutes with her. All I can say is this. Now I know where the ogre gets his constant slamming of doors from. I wish I was kidding.
Well the ogre left at about 10:30 this morning. Is he gone for good? Who knows… Regardless I went downstairs to start washing some blankets anyway. I really hope I can make a nice dinner for DH and I tonight. Granted it’s not some romantic candlelit dinner, but it will still be nice. DH will be coming home late, eating and going immediately to bed. This is what we have at the moment, and I’ll take it happily!
I was suppose to go out early this morning and go to the post office and look to see if I could find any gift for DH at the charity shop, but wasn’t able to. Idiot didn’t leave until 10:30 and by then I couldn’t get a hold of DH and wasn’t sure what time he’d be back for lunch, so I haven’t gone out yet. (We’ve one set of keys right now due to either the key people having their machine broken constantly or other key places not cutting this type of house key. Which, I admit boggles me a bit. It’s a damn housekey…) So, that got screwed up slightly. I may need to go after DH comes for lunch or tomorrow very early so I can get back before the ogre returns.
We’ve not heard anything yet from DH’s friend about staying over there. DH says he’s been acting weird and distant lately so who knows.
The ogre went out shopping yesterday. You can tell we are having guests – he bought soap and shampoo. I saw the bag on the stair landing last night with bottles of herbal essence spilling out. Today I had an odd thought – I had been in the bathroom since last night and didn’t recall seeing any of that. I go in and look. It’s not there, nor down in the cupboards. The ogre must actually be hiding the soap and shampoo from us? What a weirdo. We never use his stuff anyway… not like there is anything to use even if we wanted to!
I see DH’s aunts and uncles sent the ogre a Christmas card. I guess they forgot DH’s again. Funny that.
I was talking to DH last night. He says he doesn’t remember last Christmas. And how could he? He found his mom dead, got his pay cut off immediately after, jobless, the funeral and his family being assholes to him, had surgery the day after her funeral etc. It was a fairly traumatic time.
This was the rest of our December last year. Funeral, next day was the surgery – assisting DH dressing, bathing, making meals (which was all fun with the ogre being around.) for the next two weeks. Christmas eve came around, no one invited us or told us where the Christmas celebrations were at. Didn’t matter, DH could hardly walk. On Christmas eve DH was adamant about driving to the store and waiting in the car while I bought some things so we could have a decent meal. The store was barren and had a billion people in there. I came out barehanded. We went home and I made egg salad sandwiches for dinner. The next day, Christmas, the family didn’t say anything. No asking how Jon was doing, no left over sent for him. No Christmas cards. Boxing day, New Years, nothing. At the end of the year I had my national insurance number appointment and DH was adamant about coming with me, despite the fact he could barely walk so I didn’t have to make the trip by myself. Then we found out he couldn’t come in with me and had to stand out in the cold for an hour and a half. 😦 That was our holiday season last year.
The ogre stayed up most of the night doing god knows what so he didn’t leave early this morning for his mom’s, which supposedly is a 5-6 hour drive. He got up at 11am and left at noon. I thought Ok, that’s him gone. Ha-ha! So I took a nice shower (Nice for the shower head not working and standing in an almost non draining tub) and put some clothes on to wash. I wanted to wash our comforter/duvet while he was gone – takes about 2 days to fully dry on the radiator, but even that was risky so I thought, well the best I can do is febreeze it and put it out on the line to blow some of the stink off. So, I did that. I picked up the bedroom a little bit and decorated goblin town (Goblin town is an area on our shelf with goblin models that we decorate with random things – sticks we find, seashells, rocks etc. We arrange them in different poses to amuse each other.) with some Christmas decorations I found that ogre threw in the trash yesterday and took down the thawed meat and hid it in the fridge (not so well). I put on some holiday music to try to cheer myself up and think about what to make for breakfast…
WHAM! WHAM! Yes, it’s 3pm and he’s back home. Clearly he hasn’t left yet. Been a 5/6 hour trip I doubt asshole will be leaving today now. So there goes the nice dinner I was going to make for DH and I. There goes trying to wash various blankets we have up here, tonight and trying to get them dry for tomorrow. Nope. I can deal with not washing the comforter, but the other blankets I’ve been waiting a month to freaking wash. So now, I feel dread again. Forget the music, forget the nice dinner, forget getting my breakfast, forget taking the dishes down from last night or hanging the clothes up right now. I can wait till 10pm now when DH comes home. And this is the frustration I feel. Everything is so reliant on asshole being gone… and when he says he’s going to be gone, we’ll you can’t count on that either.
WHAM! SLAM! *Grumble* *Mutter*
Why can’t there be a Christmas miracle…
Ogre got run over by a reindeer…
Ogre also told us because he likes telling us either nothing or stuff last minute that the guest room was going to be used soon. You know, in the next two days… Apparently asshole is leaving to get his mother and bringing her back for Christmas. At least we were told the night before he was suppose to leave and get her, instead of you know, the time we randomly come home one day and are told that in 4 hours DH’s aunt is arriving from another country to come stay. As Ogre is suppose to be back the 20th, that means the old lady will be here a minimum of five days plus whatever else time she stays after Christmas.
This is a dilemma for so many reasons. First, as far as DH and I are aware Ogre didn’t tell his own mother that he’s an asshole and making our lives hell, that his own son and his wife hide away from his covert psychological abuse and games. I highly doubt it. If anything, I’m sure she’ll strangely adapt to the attitude that the rest of DH’s family has about us. They don’t like us, but they won’t tell us why. And honestly I don’t care that they don’t like us. If DH was not comfortable going to ANY of his family members years ago to get help about his dad abusing his mom, then no big loss. We can only imagine the Ogre has gossiped some untruths about us.
I wonder, did the ogre tell his mom that DH and I are anti-social weirdos that stay in our room for no reason? Then when she comes she’ll see that we do infact hide away, but never know the real reason = Ogre’s made up reason confirmed. The grandma of course is going to want to see DH, but DH is not going to want to go downstairs and hang out with her with the ogre lingering about. I guess he could take ol’ Gran out to dinner to spend time but we don’t money for taking her anywhere. I’m not going to pretend everything is fine for a week or more. Nor can I tell the lady the real reason because then it will get back to the ogre and we will definitely find our asses out on the street. I get tired of these situations.
So DH is going to ask one of his friends that we flat sit for once in awhile if we can come over there. That of course will not be without problems. I’ve written about this friend before. I don’t want to go back over there. There’s this air of fakeness between him and I. I don’t think he likes me, and I don’t like him. I don’t think he likes me because he had and I think still does have a crush on my DH. Yes, the man is gay. He asked DH out and DH said no. The guy has a catty attitude with me at times and I feel like I have to just smile and ignore it to keep the peace. The last time we stayed there he pissed me off something fierce – and if we did come stay for a long period of time over the holidays he would be there for some of that time. He’s always silent walking around in a bad mood, pacing and pouting about something. It really puts you on edge. It puts DH on edge. The last time I saw him which was about a month ago – the ogre was gone so people came to the house to play a game DH runs instead of going to another’s house. Within two minutes of the man being there he already pissed me off.
I don’t really like people getting touchy with me. I can take hugs. I can take, although they make me feel uncomfortable, kisses on the cheek from people. But this guy likes to um, eat your hair, pull on your hair etc. in affection. It gets on my nerves. Ok, I hate it. Especially with someone whom I don’t really like. But I go along with it and let him do whatever so there aren’t any hurt feelings/drama. He hangs all over DH and gives him kisses. It’s irritating. It’s irritated me for years and I made a stink about it once and made to feel bad about it. I just endure it now and avert my eyes. It’s not the gay thing that bothers me, it’s the fact I feel he’s still not over his crush of DH.
Anyway, last time I saw him when he came to the house I was going upstairs and gave him a hug as I was leaving. He started eating my hair again and we talked for a minute and I made a joke – which I and others and HE has made before with no issues. I told him that he really likes head huh? So he slapped me in the face then I went upstairs. I had to refrain from attacking him. The whole thing made me mad for so many reasons. First, the joke has been made as I said in the past with no malice with no issue and he always laughed. Second, I wouldn’t say anything I thought would offend him even though I don’t care much for him, he’s still DH”s friend. Third, slapping me was a bit overboard I think. He’s called me a bitch several times (in the guise of playful, but who knows. I just consider it’s in play) and I’ve never decked him. Fourth, then I feel I have no right to be made because I made a sex joke. Do I deserve the slap in the face? Who knows.
So, I don’t want to go to his place where it is nasty dirty, he’ll be there stressing DH and I out and making us feel unwelcome like he does. He always says we are welcome then treats us being there is an inconvenience. We always try to cook meals for him, clean up his apartment and buy groceries for him there but it’s not really enough. So this is what I’m faced with, ask to stay over at dudes place or hang out here for a week. I’m not sure which is worse.
Another thing to factor in, DH’s sister will likely be over to visit the gran. That means if we are gone she WILL be in our room and so will the ogre. I’ve caught her on three separate occasions trying to get in our room (I was here upstairs being super quiet and she’s opened the door and come right in and got the surprise of her life. She turns right around and walks back out) and she’s stolen our baking sheets before. (And whatever else I don’t know about) So it’ll be the fun time of trying to hide our important papers and wondering what was stolen or rifled through while we were gone. I think the fact that even though I stay up in this room mentally I still don’t view it as safe. People still come in whenever they like and go through my things/steal them. It’s pretty much the worst feeling right now.
Yesterday I was rereading my post from that day and making some corrections – I hit “publish” and what happens? Nothing. I look down, the internet icon is gone. Then the computer shuts off a few seconds later. Oh yeah, the workman is flipping the breaker switches turning stuff on/off all over the house. Nevermind a courtesy knock letting me know they are doing that. I’m pretty much a non entity. So I didn’t come back and edit it yesterday nor post my next rant.
I think I should probably rename this blog to “My shit life” instead of “Shit my fil does”. I just rant about anything and everything anymore. But looking at it, it’s serving it’s purpose for the moment – the blog is for me to vent and air out my grievances. So, I guess if topics mingle, so be it.
DH and I made it down to the bank yesterday and were promptly told that they branch is too small to have someone evaluate us for a loan. We’d have to find a bigger branch or apply online. So he applied online and we were approved thankfully. 21.7% interest ha-ha. Oh well. Much better than the car loan I am still stuck to with my ex PA husband – 31%. I think most of it is due to DH having had no credit period, but would like him to get a credit score and info soon. So we were approved but they cannot give us the money until we sign papers and we must go to a bigger branch. The branch would only be 4 miles away but they can’t make us an appointment until the 27th at the earliest. During all this, I remember all the times in the US I’ve gone with people to buy cars/buy my own car and been out of the dealership with a car the same day with financing. I guess things work differently here 😦
Health wise I feel meh… I’ve had a urinary tract infection for three days now, now I am getting a bacterial infection places due to it. Hard to flush out your system -aka use the bathroom when he’s here. And right now I’m stuck up here with NO water again. There was a bottle but DH took it with him to work. Stupid’s bedroom door is open (it is always cracked when he is home) and his car is in the drive, but I’ve not heard anything for awhile… which makes me wonder. He was suppose to be leaving today for his mother’s house but as of three am (I was up sick until early hours last night) he was still up, so I have no idea what’s going on. Is he here or not? So, I’ll give it two more hours to make sure. I took out a roast last night to thaw in the bedroom so DH and I could have a nice dinner the day and a half the ogre will be gone. It’s thawed now… just sitting here until it can be put in the fridge.
DH has lucked out so far in that he’s not been asked about the courtesy car in the drive. Of course, now we go in pairs downstairs. I hate going downstairs with the ogre here but it is less bad if DH is with me. If I go down there the ogre will not talk to him. He’ll make a show of saying hi and excluding me, but that’s about it. At night we go to the bargain bin at Tesco to get food that is almost expired/they are going to throw out that is deeply discounted. We went the other night and DH left his keys inside. (He’s done this twice this week) He about lost it. So he had to ring the door bell and have the ogre let him inside. He grabbed the keys and as he went back into the rain the ogre asked him something like “Oh, are you off?” DH said yes and ran back to the car. The ogre stood there in the doorway with his arms crossed looking irritated and watched us for the two minutes it took us to get out of the driveway and turned around. (Lots of neighbor cars parked horribly here to navigate) I’m not sure if he thought he was going to ask DH about the car just then to sate his curiosity or what. But DH is not standing in the rain to talk about it. So, that was mildly creepy. I hate anytime he stands in the doorway with his nasty glare or peeks out at the blinds at us as we are leaving. It’s like a scene out of a horror movie.
I still never figured out what the fix it man did in the bathroom. All I can tell you is it looks like he pulled out the bathtub and replaced it/ did something with the pipes. I thought maybe he came to fix the tub as it doesn’t really drain anymore, but I guess not… as it still doesn’t really drain. The ogre had some wall lamps ripped out and new ones put in, he also hired the man to plug in the new tiny fridge (I forgot to mention the ogre got rid of the fridge we were using two weeks ago. So we had to put our things in his fridge. That’s a horror story in itself) he purchased and slide it into place. That was 8 hours of work right there.
During this DH comes home and sees that his plastic three shelved roly bin is out in the hallway now. He rolls it back into the guest bedroom. (The ogre told DH to take the bin upstairs about two weeks ago because it was downstairs… in a room no one uses, bothering no one – clearly it was in the way. As we don’t have room in here, DH stuck it in his late mom’s room/guest bedroom. It was not in the way there either.) Instead of saying anything about the bin, Ogre rolled it out into the hallway. DH of course saw it rolled out there and rolled it back in. Then Ogre found it rolled back in to the room and was steamed. He then came knocking on the door and told DH to put it in his room, DH said – we don’t have room in here for it, can we put it in X’s room? (X being DH’s sister who moved out a year ago but left her room in a hoarder situation – shit from wall to wall piled everywhere. She’s not been here in that room for about a year. I am contemplating getting a pic and post it here) NO! We cannot place it that room, in which no one is using. We MUST put it in our room. Ok, fine, whatever. It’s in the room now.
(More about the guest room in next post)
So even less room in here now. This was my night last night: Feel sick, get up from bed – step on random shit on floor. There is stuff piled around the edge of the bed by about a foot. So to get into bed you have to step over/launch yourself into bed. Getting out of bed isn’t that easy, you can’t see where the junk/begins or ends. Then coming in I whacked my foot good on a hard plastic carrying case of DH’s. I repeated this several times last night. I’m really tired of just turning around in this room and knocking shit over. DH is still sick (now over 3 weeks) and thought he was running a fever, which he was. To get to the damn thermometer it took me five minutes of moving boxes and laundry baskets and misc shit so I could open a drawer and get to it. So tiring.
Speaking of thermometers, I have a short ogre thermometer story. When I first came here years ago DH got sick. He felt really hot and I was sure he was running a temperature. He told me to check the bathroom cupboards to see if they had one, they didn’t. It was dark outside and at that time I had issues with getting lost going to stores. (I know! I have a great story for one time.) The ogre said he was going to the store so I asked if he could pick one up. He said sure. FIVE HOURS later… the man finally goes to the store. I kept wanting to ask him to hurry up, but didn’t want to be rude. Later I found out this is how he works. Oh, his disabled wife is hungry? He’ll feed her in a bit… FIVE HOURS later he makes her a bowl of soup after being constantly reminded. So he finally goes out and comes back… with no thermometer. Was the store out of them? Nope! He said it was X price so he didn’t buy it. I don’t recall at that time if I offered him money upfront or not, but I was willing to pay the price and more for the damned thing. And who really doesn’t buy one when their own kid is sick anyway? I was so boggled and pissed… but now I know, this is how he is.
DH asked me yesterday, “Did you use my towel?” It’s times like this where you can only shake your head. I went out and quickly felt DH’s towel… DH had come home from work in the afternoon and the ogre had just bathed and left recently. You know, the man who doesn’t use soap, toilet paper and leaves shit chunks in the bath? Well he used DH’s towel, it was almost soaked. No matter the man has his own towel he keeps on the radiator in the bathroom. I swear..
More drama with the car company. We were suppose to get the car on Monday at 4. That was the time we were told, then DH was asked if he is going to get the car at the time and pay the full amount. DH says no, we put a down payment and we were told we can finance for 12 months. The piece of paper said how much our payment was per month – 159. Well, they thought we were coming in to pay cash. All these time and they didn’t set it up to get financing approved. So we told them we were supposed to have financing, they asked around with loan companies and got a quick answer (which is funny for another reason) and it was not what we were wanting to hear – So when we found this out yesterday at about 3 we had to race down to the bank to see about a loan. Oh yeah, we found out DH’s bank closes at 3:30 everyday. These are not just holiday hours. And two things – we get in the courtesy car to go and the display screen says: “Fuel too low”. Remember how I just had a rant about DH doing this? I realise he was going to return that car today but he could have put more fuel into the tank. All I could think of was us damaging the courtesy car by blowing the engine or something due to no fuel. That steamed me up. Then it began downpouring, so we had to walk to the bank and cross the street which everyone (at least while we were waiting for the cross walk light to blink green) zoomed by spraying us with muddy water. By the time we got to the bank the door was locked but still people inside. What a day.
Today we will be racing back to the bank when DH gets off work. I should have been ready already but I am not. I haven’t been able to access the bathroom today. Why? Well all I know is I hear the voice of the workman that the ogre hires from time to time. You know, the slow as treacle or molasses one? The one who took a month to hang new doors on existing cabinet frames? That guy. The same guy who takes two week extra on every job he does here. Well, he’s been in the bathroom for the last hour banging and hammering. I have no idea. I just know we are probably f-d on using the bathroom for the next couple days. Glad someone told us… oh WAIT no one did… like always. What’s this? The ogre is going away for two days? Good time to have yet more repairs that won’t inconvenience him, only us.
DH has been going to conselling for a few weeks. As I’ve said before he’s not even spoken to the counseller yet about the issues he is going for because she did an intake and he told her about the issues here with the ogre. So basically as far as working on the real issues why he’s there is halted, there is too much shit to talk about concerning the ogre that they must go through that. As always I feel like our live/relationship is in limbo. He told me last time he went about 2 weeks ago that the counseller asked if I would like to come along. I guess she asked DH who I have to talk to about the ogre traumas and he said nobody. So she suggested that I could come along and possibly get a referral down the road that way. So for two weeks I thought I was going to the next appointment. I ask DH if I am going along and nothing… dead air, then the topic is changed. The same thing he does when he doesn’t want to give an answer that is basically”no”. I sat around a bit irritated then finally asked him if he wanted me to go or not? I know the counseller asked him if I wanted to come and he relayed the message and I said I would come, but I guess I never asked him if he’d like me to. He told me that the thought of having me come gives him a lot of anxiety but he doesn’t know why. So this is the part where I list a few things seeing if that could be the reason why, he says no then assures me he doesn’t know what the reason is then I drop it. Then in a couple days we’ll have the convo again probably where he lets me know he really did know the answer but didn’t want to tell me. It’s like we have this little routine we do. Usually it’s him making up a convoluted story, then he comes and tells me he lied to me.
Which, sadly is an improvement from earlier in our relationship where he would make up such retarded lies then never tell me the truth, I would have to find out. I remember one time he lied to me and told me he had to take his parents to the golf club then got so sick on the way home he had to pull over and throw up and then spend the rest of the day in bed. Mind you I was 5,000 miles away at this point. That was his reasoning why I couldn’t get a hold of him on skype. Nope. Really about 2 hours after we patched up an arguement (about some rotten shit he did earlier, I gave in and forgave him. He said I had to forgive him now or else that was it, he was going to put me out of his mind and move on. I couldn’t have a day to be mad about it.) he had some lady friend over while his parents were gone who he has said he’d like to have sex with, then proceeded to ignore me on skype for the next 12 hours. Did they have sex or mess around? who knows. All I know is I can’t be around that lady period. The thought of it sends me through the roof. I honestly just want him to end the friendship with her, it makes me that sick. But then again, I’d be the old nagger.
Sometimes I just want to be alone. I’m so tired of the bullshit. I pray I can find a job soon. If anything to get out of the house. I’ve hit rock bottom here with the ogre abuse and I feel like I’m getting strength back in my legs to do what I need to do, if even a little at a time.
Anyway, so I have no idea why he doesn’t want me at counselling. I have lots of ideas running through my head. Part of me feels really hurt, but there I am again thinking this is probably my fault when really it’s probably his. Maybe he’s putting on a story for the counseller and I might come in and expose him, who knows. which a compulsive liar it is hard to know.