So if you remember during Christmas we were left out and not invited to any of the celebrations. Also, the grandmother was here visiting which we weren’t told about until two days before her arrival and pretty much on accident. During that time DH and I rarely went downstairs or out of our bedroom – which thinking about it isn’t really anything new.  Well, over Christmas DH’s princess PA/Narc sister left him a gift under the tree. Her last gift was chocolates that expired a month later. I think they were given to her some time ago and regifted to DH. DH saw the gift by the tree but the ogre said nothing about it – he didn’t say anything like “hey you got a gift here”, nothing. So we let it sit. Honestly a gift from his sister he doesn’t really want. He can’t stand her, she is a rotten human being just like the ogre. So the ogre set the gift by the front door the last week and said nothing about it. Because he never says really anything except for demanding you do x, y or z. 

So the family left last night and we noticed the sister took her gift back – LOL. It amused me. To be honest, we did open the gift up out of curiosity and rewrapped it. I don’t know if this food item was regifted or for whatever reason she broke the seal on it. Either way, very tacky. So likely she will need to find another recipient for her regifted x 2/3? gift.

DH felt bad though last night, the family knows he is here and there is not a place set for him at the table for the party and no one says a thing to him when he leaves to go back to work. I think he wanted someone to ask him why he wasn’t joining them, then he could say that he didn’t hear anything about the party and he wasn’t invited. (granted we figured out what was going on, but not the same) I think he is slowly realising he no longer has a family, the ogre has turned them all against him. 


I remember when I came here and directly asked if his dad had mental issues (as my ex’s dad and mom did) he outright said no… now look at it. DH told me his family was very close and would never do anything like my ex PA/Narc DH family did, now look at them. I think he is slowly starting to realise there are some incongruencies in his thoughts about his family. Like I ask him if you knew you had to  do whatever it took during the day to make sure you avoided your dad’s wrath or that he didn’t abuse your mom, didn’t you think there was an issue?? And you felt you couldn’t tell your family that your dad was abusing your disabled mom? There’s a problem too! Hello!

Anyway, we have our third counselling session tonight, hopefully that goes well. I know DH still keeps things from me. I’ve found him deleting messages from lady friends on a chat program the last week. 



Nothing really new to report. Same old. I didn’t get the job. All I can do is keep reading “sorry but no thank you” emails and keep filling them out. 

November and December were frought with rotten things that set us back in money, now January as well. DH had to sign up for the third time for his NVQ 2 class (The other 2 classes never completed – no one would go to them and the trainers quit etc). He found out he could skip that and take NVQ 3, so he signed up for that, which was 250 pound fee plus a few every month. If he had just stated he wanted 3 instead of 2 off the bat he wouldn’t have been charged the fee. Ah well. He didn’t know. DH got a parking ticket and then hid it from me. It was gotten while he was doing his carework. He’s procrastinated for months about getting a parking permit from the city, so there’s 30 pounds there. Course it’s his old bosses fault.. Anyway, then he wracked up an 80 pound phone bill – 30 pounds extra then what it was suppose to be. The excuse: He wanted to listen to videos on Youtube while working. Two things – no, wait three. First, he has hundreds of songs on his phone to listen to, literally. Second, he has a habit of watching naughty crap on youtube, so now I wonder about that. Three: He was apparently listening to this music in his client’s houses! That is a NO NO! How unprofessional and probably irritating to his clients. His excuse:  He was very sad in December so he wanted to listen to some music. Again, stupid excuse. So, I will bring that up in our next counselling session.

I was not impressed with our counseller the first session, the second one I am a bit happier about. We got to discuss why DH lies how he must realise that I am talking to him as an adult wanting to talk to him as him being an adult too. Instead he is talking to me as his child part and thinks I am talking to him from my punishing parent part. It’s a bit confusing to explain, but it all made sense. 

The last week has been irritating, we had to give the chairs up again so we are sitting on the hard chairs that make your back start killing you after about 30 minutes. We’ve been sitting on them a week now because the Ogre had another dinner party – which of course meant we couldn’t use the kitchen to make food reliably for days. On the day of, DH said fuck it and went downstairs to make food before the party started. That pissed ogre off. Although Ogre had his first course – stew boiling away and well hot enough for company and DH didn’t remove any of his pots or pans off the stove to cook, the man still had a tantrum and ogre held up his dinner party until DH was done cooking. Ogre claimed he couldn’t serve people soup with DH cooking in the kitchen. Which made… no sense at all. 

Ogre clears plates from dinner party that night, the next morning new plates are on the table. Another fucking dinner party? Are you KIDDING me?! But yes, it’s true. That was three days ago and nothing has happened nor have we been told anything. There has however been pots of curry made and it’s the princess daughters birthday. She gets a dinner party for her every year on her birthday. So we guess the family will be over here today. I wonder how many will get sick? I mean the trays of chicken and pork have been sitting out. The chicken two days, the pork a week now unrefridgerated! I thought it was for the other dinner party but nope! So, the house stinks like dead rotting carcasses again. 


What’s on the menu today to eat… same thing as last night .25 fajita wrappers we found at Tesco with peanut butter. Awesome. It’s crap like these meals that are making so many of my existing health conditions flare up weekly/monthly. But what can you do? 

Semi good news…


Well, don’t get too excited. A few things happened this week. First I got a call back about a job I applied for that was in town. Found out it wasn’t a care home at all but one of the places that require you have a car to drive around to people’s houses. I live in a small walkable town, no problem right? Except it wasn’t for my town, it was for a town about 15 miles away. Why it was advertised for this town specifically I’ll never know. I was a bit irritated at that. Second thing I keep apply to another job in town and taking their online tests and they were not interested in me for a manager position, fair enough but were happy to interview me for a associate position. I had the interview the other day and I think it went ok… except, this position isn’t in town either! Its for a store that’s yet to be built and they didn’t have an option to put in the ad that it was for a store not existing yet so they put my local store. I was a bit disappointed and it is apparently part time, the ad did not say that either. So, I may be able to swing it. DH thinks the store is about 5 miles away. I guess I could walk it, I really find paying for buses wasteful. Specially if you only work part time that really eats into your money. So I told the man I’d find a way to get to the store if hired.


The bad news, I had to walk to the interview in my dress shoes, I thought it odd if I brought my sneakers along in a bag and I don’t have like a sachel to put them in, so I walked in the dress shoes. I have a metatarsal issue so I do not wear high heels often or my feet can go numb literally for months. I had some sensible looking fake loafers with a one inch heel…ugh. Well before I even got there I had blisters on my feet. I tried walking a quarter of the way home and couldn’t. I walked home in 30 degree weather through the wet pavement and puddles in my socks. I hate the pavements here, I’ve yet to see smooth ones they always are created with tiny pebbles mixed in. So that was super painful walking home, but less than wearing the shoes. I got home and looked at my feet. I won’t be walking for at least a week again. I have 4 blisters. They are about an inch and a half long and puff up about and inch. So I am walking on an inch of blister juice on each foot. I have to walk on the sides of my feet. It really is horrifying. I told DH if they don’t pop or go down in a few days I’m going to have to go to the dr and see what can be done, maybe lanced and drained. I know, no one wants to hear about this. 

A friend of ours also told us last weekend that his brother might be able to do something with my CV – forward it to people interested in the more technical world. So I’ll see how that goes. 

Anyway… more good news. I went with DH to counselling last night. It went alright I guess. I wasn’t really sure what to expect. We talked about his lying and she gave him a pamphlet on some info about joining a porn addicts group. I’m not sure when he’d find time to go, but maybe just having that piece of paper will make things more real for him. Right now I really don’t care, all I care about is getting back to the gym, enjoying the surprisingly nice weather outside and getting a job. 

The whole foot this has really pissed me off. Now I’m back to not doing much at all, much like the whole of Dec when I was sick. Doing anything that requires standing is a real hassle and painful. I hope these blisters go down soon.

Happy New Year!


DH had to work on New Years eve until late be we were still determined to celebrate it. We had always wanted to light a sky lantern so he bought one and brought it home. We went out to our spot away from civilization and as we finished reading the instructions it began pouring down rain. So, we drove home and went to bed instead. I hope that’s not a good indicator of how the year is going to go. 

More irritating job declines. A “somewhat local”  (Ok, so it’s quite far away and no idea how I’d get there) grocery store finally had an opening so I spend 45 minutes trying to register on their site, get my conf email and start applying. Oh. Not for losers like me. You need to provide two UK ONLY educational or work references. Well, that’s a problem when you haven’t had a job or gone to school here yet. If you don’t provide that info or it’s wrong the app gets dumped. No way to put in any other info than UK. So that’s really disappointing. 

The ogre was out for a few hours the other day so I thought I would try to rearrange the freezer so that DH and I’s food is hidden, all in one place and not subjected to heavy ass hams tossed on it. I spent a good time on this yesterday. The ogre has gone to take gran home today (I think) and I go in there to get meat out. All the bags I arranged in there last night? Moved. Tossed to the side. The full bag of meat we had? I don’t know where a quarter of the meat has gone to. It has just disappeared. Frozen meals we got on the discount aisle for like .10p with a plastic wrapping on them? Now thrown back under huge cuts of meat. He went out and bought even more cuts of meat and not like they are on sale and he’s stocking up either. So there is no way I will be able to freeze meals now and store them as it is. Before it was going to be a challenge and after the rearranging I thought I could squeeze a few in. No way now. I’m so pissed I spent yesterday rearranging the freezer instead of hanging out with DH on his lunch break (because that’s when the ogre left) and now it’s fucked. I guess DH can help me root around in the freezer and find out where the ogre has hid the rest of our meat if he didn’t just randomly take it with him. (I’ve already checked the bins, but we already know he has a place where he hides things to throw away or just throws them away while he is out)

The ogre also bought a ton of fruit while the gran was here – bananas, apples, pears, oranges, lemons, limes, plums etc. The gran hasn’t been eating them. I come downstairs today and they are all gone. They were there last night. Oh, the ogre has thrown all the fruit into the bin. Ok.

How to Become a Battered Woman


The View from a Drawbridge

My whole life I’ve looked at battered women with sadness and pity, but I have to admit that I always viewed them with a certain level of disdain. I’d never let that happen to me. Never. How do you get in that position? How do you let someone disrespect you like that, harm you like that, and yet not walk away? I could never put up with that from anyone.

But I learned a very hard lesson recently, one that makes me look at battered women in a whole new light. What I’ve never realized is that it’s a quiet, creeping progression. It’s not like a woman gets beaten on the first date and decides that she’s going to live with that person happily ever after. No. You start off as one person, and somehow, slowly over time, you change. Then one day you look up and you say to…

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