A dinner party? Oh great.

I went to go get meat out of the deep freeze today and I see the ogre left another piece of email on his desk. I don’t know why he does this – ok, maybe I do. But the man prints out what appears to be every email correspondence he has with people and then files them away in the five foot filing cabinets he has.  Also, before he files them away he leaves them laying all over his desk and most of them in a position to where he would not easily be able to read them as he is sitting on his desk, but rather turned upside down so people who walk into “his office” (the garage) to get to the pantry can easily read them.  I guess so it lets us know he is important or some such.  

So, I read one of the emails sitting there. Yes, it’s nosey. Consider it necessary for living here, it’s the only heads up we usually have that things are going to happen.  There are many highlights to the email, let me break them down.

First – got to have a joke in there about not being gay. Whatever. He is the most insensitive person. Our black neighbor across the street is lovingly known as the “uppity N” by him. I’m sure you can figure out what N means.

Second – he tells everyone it’s been far to long since he’s had a dinner party.  A couple years ago the ogre used to talk shit about his son to me. I was new here and unsure of how to react so I would just listen and say OK all the while knowing the man was full of bullshit. The ogre told me that he couldn’t have dinner parties because his son was such a slob and the house was never cleaned. He went on and on about this, poor him.  He just conveniently forgot I lived there too and saw that it was him being the slobby pig. He in fact told me he had to hire the housekeeper because of his son. Never mind it is because he’s a slob and any sort of housework is beneath him, it’s woman’s work.

And never mind… that the last dinner party the man had was a week after his wife was buried.  We have no idea when he planned the party, but most people would have canceled it out of respect. The next day after the party, he has yet another party to feed people left overs from the previous party! 

Next, he goes on to say that everyone’s been real supportive of him since his wife died. Well, that’s a nice sentiment… of course they would be. But the man never grieved. He was making jokes while her corpse was upstairs.  Did his life change any since she’s been gone. Nope!  That’s what disturbs DH the most, that the man did not grieve or change any routines or habits. I think what’s most disturbing is the way she died. 

It seems like they are deciding which day to have it now. A simple dinner party right?

Well, let me talk briefly about these dinner parties. DH’s computer is downstairs on the dining room table. It is there because that’s where it has sat for the last 10 years while being close to his mom while taking care of her.  The dining room table is never used for any meal except holidays. Usually DH gets short notice that he needs to move his computer, which is annoying it itself. Then if he needs to do something on it for the next day he cannot as there is no room to put it anywhere else, not even in the bedroom because there is no room. (Because the bedroom has to be our bedroom, kitchen and bathroom)

Next, the kitchen will be cockblocked for the week of.  This is the disgusting part.  If you read the entries about how he makes soup and lets it sit out for weeks rotting you’ll love this. He’ll plan a menu for the dinner party – and of course it has to be super fancy with I’d say at least seven courses.  The entire week up until the party he will make this food ahead of time and leave it out. That’s right, every counter in the kitchen is being monopolized by trays of food rotting away. And the smell… my god.   I really wonder if anyone goes home with food poisoning.  

So, the use of the kitchen for that week is limited not to mention the night of. The night of it is awkward because we get the feeling we really aren’t suppose to come down and use the kitchen to get food or be seen.  Then there is a billion dirty dishes piled in the kitchen for days further rotting away before they are washed. Not that he actually washes them, but that’s for another time. 

 

A bit more research on the ogre

I have been spending a lot of time reading through various people’s experiences dealing with passive aggressive and other personality disorder people in their lives.  The website is at:  http://outofthefog.net/forum/   and it is a great resource for coping with people with personality disorders.  After reading the last couple weeks, I really do think the ogre in addition to his passive aggressiveness does show signs of narcissistic personality disorder. I am bolding much like I did with the passive aggressive list which traits he has. If you go through this blog from the start you will find a snippet written that involves each and every one of those traits.

Narcissistic traits  via Wikipedia:

An obvious self-focus in interpersonal exchanges
Problems in sustaining satisfying relationships
A lack of psychological awareness (see insight in psychology and psychiatry, egosyntonic)
Difficulty with empathy
Problems distinguishing the self from others (see narcissism and boundaries)
Hypersensitivity to any insults or imagined insults (see criticism and narcissists, narcissistic rage and narcissistic injury)
Vulnerability to shame rather than guilt
Haughty body language
Flattery towards people who admire and affirm them (narcissistic supply)
Detesting those who do not admire them (narcissistic abuse)
Using other people without considering the cost of doing so
Pretending to be more important than they really are
Bragging (subtly but persistently) and exaggerating their achievements
Claiming to be an “expert” at many things
Inability to view the world from the perspective of other people
Denial of remorse and gratitude

Hotchkiss’ seven deadly sins of narcissism

1. Shamelessness: Shame is the feeling that lurks beneath all unhealthy narcissism, and the inability to process shame in healthy ways.
2. Magical thinking: Narcissists see themselves as perfect, using distortion and illusion known as magical thinking. They also use projection to dump shame onto others.
3. Arrogance: A narcissist who is feeling deflated may reinflate by diminishing, debasing, or degrading somebody else.

4. Envy: A narcissist may secure a sense of superiority in the face of another person’s ability by using contempt to minimize the other person.
5. Entitlement: Narcissists hold unreasonable expectations of particularly favorable treatment and automatic compliance because they consider themselves special. Failure to comply is considered an attack on their superiority, and the perpetrator is considered an “awkward” or “difficult” person. Defiance of their will is a narcissistic injury that can trigger narcissistic rage.
6. Exploitation: Can take many forms but always involves the exploitation of others without regard for their feelings or interests. Often the other is in a subservient position where resistance would be difficult or even impossible. Sometimes the subservience is not so much real as assumed.
7. Bad boundaries: Narcissists do not recognize that they have boundaries and that others are separate and are not extensions of themselves. Others either exist to meet their needs or may as well not exist at all. Those who provide narcissistic supply to the narcissist are treated as if they are part of the narcissist and are expected to live up to those expectations. In the mind of a narcissist there is no boundary between self and other.

(Narcisstic information taken from: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissism)

How do you come up with a title for goose shit and someone being possessed?

A lot has gone on while I was stuck in bed pretty much unable to move, but I will just mention two.

First, the ogre has stopped flushing the toilet all together.  Realistically this has been going on about two weeks now. It started as once a day now it is every time he uses the bathroom. And considering he takes those horrible diet pills that make him shit like a goose, you can imagine what traumas await us in either bathroom.  You see he will shit the upstairs one up then shit the downstairs one up too instead of just flushing the upstairs one and going again.

So, that’s pretty horrifying.

Second thing is I hear someone elses voice in the house. And every time I’ve heard this some home construction thing is beginning that DH and I were not told about beforehand. Ceiling below our bedroom being bashed out, bathroom being redone and unusable for a week or how about the kitchen being demolished and unusable for 3.5 weeks all with no prior notice. So, I cringed hearing the voice. Within a few minutes I hear the ogre coming up the stairs and stopping in front of the bedroom door, he knocks. It seems that he wants in the bedroom right now and that a man has come to fix a valve on the radiator. (Which lets be fair, he let the valve leak for a year before attempting to do anything about it. I actually think he broke it during one of the times he would constantly turn it off every time DH and I had our clothes on a nearby rack to dry.) I’m in the bed with my back still messed up and the room is trashed. DH and I had been sorting things out to take to the charity shop. I had to sleep with half of the bed full of random stuff because I just can’t continue with moving things around right now with my back messed up.  So I yelled back that the airing cupboard was not accessible right now and to come back after three o’clock when DH came home. Sounds like nothing, but that is me telling him that he is not coming in. Telling him he is not getting his way. This is really huge because something like this could trigger him to have a complete tantrum and become scary. He told me to move the things blocking the way to the airing cupboard and I told him I threw out my back (I hate giving him information, it’s like power to him no matter how small) and I was not moving it. Thankfully a service man was with him, so that helped contain a potential tantrum.

When DH came home he said the ogre told him immediately that he couldn’t get access to the cupboard and with a creepy grin on his face. You see the man doesn’t know what facial expressions to use with what dialog or under what circumstances. DH told him firmly (which I am proud) that there would have been access if he would have told us the day before so we could move things and to let us know when the man will come around again as the service man had to reschedule.  It’s been days and we’ve not heard anything. Likely the ogre will tell DH right as he is going to bed the night before.

There’s also something kind of creepy. I don’t know why I mention it because I don’t even know how to describe it.  DH told me this.  DH had come out of the upstairs bathroom and saw the ogre coming upstairs. The ogre did not see him there on his way up so the ogre was not aware that DH was watching him.  The ogre walks up the stairs holding onto the railing and spreads his legs apart taking each step like he is a sumo wrestler (you know, when they hunker down) with a rictus grin planted on his face. He then reached the landing, didn’t look at DH who would have been right in front of him at that moment, but instead did some weird turn with the same creepy grin and this is the part I won’t be able to describe well… as he was turning his body to go into his room the ogre did this… well the way DH showed me, it was like the man was a reptilian or insect or something. It’s like he shrugged up his shoulders to the height of his ear and tilting his head he dragged his chin across his chest and sumo’d into the room. This is the best description I have. Words really can’t describe it.  It freaked DH out so much and after he showed me, I admit I’m pretty freaked out too. Almost like the man is possessed or something.

(photo by: http://www.quickmeme.com)

Recycling Drama

I’ve not posted in awhile.  In my attempts to focus on myself I returned back to the gym last week. The next morning I bent over (and yes in my usual terrified frenzy when I am downstairs) threw my back out.  Then I came down from the cold from hell. I spent the last week in bed mostly unable to move and laying on an ice pack.  

But to continue from a previous entry – where DH and I are no longer allowed to use the heat from the radiator to dry our clothes… We think we know what might have triggered that tirade.  Back in May the bin (garbage) men put a pamphlet on the bins letting people know that there were changes to recycling starting in July. DH and I read over the changes after the ogre brought in the pamphlet and set it down on the kitchen counter, where it has existed ever since.  It listed a long list of what is acceptable in each bin and the changes coming up. The changes were that cardboard was now to be put in the brown bin (usually glass and plastic in this one) instead of the green bin.

So, in July DH and I complied and put the card in the brown bin.  But each time we would do that the ogre would take out all the card and egg cartons and throw it in the black bin (all waste that is not recyclable). It really confused us… because if he didn’t read the pamphlet then you’d think he’d just put it in the green bin where it was going previous to the changes, but no, the black bin. I’m not sure if this was some sort of silent rebellion or what. 

The ogre does not have a good track record with the bins or the environment.  I have seen him pour out around thirty bottles of chemicals inappropriately with the excuse “worse things have happened at sea!” Before you ask, the man never worked for BP surprisingly nor was he driving the Exxon Valdez. 

 

 

He has times where he won’t use the recyclable free bin liners for food waste that the council supplies. He instead will use Tesco carrier bags that won’t break down in the next couple thousand years. Apparently he has been fined by the bin men before for putting inappropriate things in the bin. Now he delights in his cleverness by still putting inappropriate things in the bin but covered up by grass clippings and leaves.  

Anyway, the cardboard issue has been going on since July.  Lately the ogre has been leaving the recycling pamphlet open and in the middle of the counter. We thought at first maybe he read it, but no. He was still taking card of out of the brown bin and putting it in the black. DH and I would move the pamphlet out of the way, but later he would put it right back in the same spot as to say something.  What he was trying to say we don’t know.  Was he trying to give us a hint to stop putting the card in the correct bin? How could we know? He doesn’t communicate like a normal human being.  There was about three weeks of this pamphlet being out on the counter – DH and I just gave up and left it where it was and made food around it.  But we had the feeling that at some point the ogre was going to have a talk with DH (talk-haha. No, more like him telling DH that DH is an idiot and he better do what the ogre wants right now!) about this recycling crap.

Well, the day before the ogre told us that we cannot use the radiators this winter we noticed something funny. The card that the ogre put in the black bin had been moved back to the brown bin. The ogre must have finally read the list of acceptable items for what bin! It was probably around the time he was perusing the list so that he could find where it said card was not allowed in the brown bin so he could smugly correct DH all the while pointing to the pamphlet. Well, it didn’t happen. Instead, the ogre found out that he has been an idiot for the last three months.  We assume he had felt let down by the fact he could not show up DH and gotten in such a foul mood over it that he decided to have the usual tantrum and punish us in his own shitty way. 

 

 

(photo by: http://www.quickmeme.com)

He came into the bedroom last night!!

It’s 6am. I’ve finished sitting down stairs with DH having a freak out. DH has been sleeping downstairs as we had a falling out.  Its sad when I have to ask him if he was the one who came into the room last night. Well, he wasn’t. So unless it was a ghost it was ogre.  Yeah, that’s right. The man I am terrified of came into the room last night when I was asleep and alone. The man who has made me change the way I dress because he looks at me like a piece of meat just strolled in here last night. WTF.

The ogre stopped slamming the doors about 12:30 last night and thats when I finally got to sleep.  I guess I should also mention that I was bad last night and ate some pizza for dinner which affects my coelic disease. It makes me extremely tired and puts me out like a log at night – then I wake up all sinus-ey. So, if he knocked I did not hear him. But he has come in here before not knocking, so I wouldn’t put it past him not to.

How do I know he was in here? Because for once I slept with the light on. I woke up at 5am and it was off. Now some may say he was just being nice shutting it off. No. He isn’t. He doesn’t think like other normal human beings. He could have left the light on.  It was the first time and not hurting anything. Thank god I was so tired last night I fell asleep in my clothes – hoodie and all. Usually I sleep with a lot less on.

He has shut the light off in the bedroom here before. Wait.. did I just say that was the first time I slept with the light on but he’s done that before? Well, after the blow up last year he opened the bedroom door (no knocking) gave me his usual death glare (I was sitting up in bed reading my book) and flipped off the light switch and stomped into his bedroom. That’s right, he came in that one time just to turn the light off on me while I was reading to be a childish dick.

So now this has made things worse. I am now really nervous about going to sleep at night here – well to be fair there was a period where DH and I were both scared – we’d put the trash can in front of the door for a few weeks in case he came in here in the middle of the night to harm us. If he opened the door we would be alerted. But eventually we stopped. Now I’m back to being worried. DH said to put something in front of the door and try to get some sleep. And I can’t have DH come up here and sleep with me because I have to have my boundaries too – having him sleep with me in the same bed will help him think everything is OK between us, which it is not.

So today I cringe. His dad is on a roll right now. I wonder what is in store for today.  He gets on these kicks where he just makes our life utter living hell. DH didn’t want to go to work this morning – I reminded him that amongst his already 12 hour days he needs to pick up more hours because now we need to buy some sort of heating drying rack to put in the room because we can’t use the radiators. On top of that there is no room in the bedroom for that, so he said he will get rid of his books so we can move the makeshift pantry from in front of the radiator and instead put a rack there. Never mind that would leave us about 2 inches between the drying rack and the bed to get into bed. But whatever. You can see the stupid hurdles we have to jump through just to accomplish something like drying our fucking clothing because the ogre makes simple tasks so hard.

We are no longer allowed to use the radiators

Can anything else make me any more pissy than I already am today? Answer: NO!

So autumn and winter is coming up which means we can no longer dry our clothes outside reliably and will at some point have to use the indoor radiators for drying. Two years ago we fought with the ogre to keep our clothes dry. He would tell us that we had to dry our clothes out in the dead of winter outside. Wet moist air with no breeze. Our clothes would sit outside for a week and still be damp. Not only that they would smell moldy and we would have to rewash.  The next year we said fuck it. If the man and his daughter can use the radiator to dry their clothes why can’t we? So we used them. That was the end of that right?

No! Every radiator that we would put clothes on, the ogre would turn it off at the base.  We would come home expecting dry clothes but instead they were still damp.  The radiators that didn’t have clothes on were still switched on at the base. See the dickheadness this guy pulls? Every damn time.  

The last two days the ogre has turned on the radiators as it has been damp, cold and miserable in here.  Well, I washed the sheets and I put the fitted sheet on the radiator to dry. It’s not like I turned the radiator on for this purpose, it was already on. Apparently I did bad. DH just informed me that we are no longer allowed to use the radiators to dry our clothes. Ogre can use them, but we cannot. That’s just awesome cause I would like to wear jeans this winter and we know those don’t dry within a day or so inside. 

It makes me want to just sit downstairs with the fucking blow dryer on for hours drying our clothes. Why can we not just use the fucking radiators for 1-2 hours while they’d be on already and get our clothes dry? Why can only the ogre use them? Why is he only allowed dry clothes that don’t stink like mold?

I would just take turns hanging them on the foot long radiator in our bedroom but I can’t even turn that on because our food pantry is right next to it. Food pantry = a chair with a broken computer desk drawer set on the bottom rungs and food is placed on it. So because we can’t keep food downstairs without ogre stealing and eating it we can’t have heat upstairs this winter. Because ogre is a selfish dick head we can’t have dry clothes this winter. Awesome.

It didn’t take long…

Well, from my last couple posts I mentioned I was having issues with my DH. I gave him a clean slate earlier in the week and it only took him three days to do something that pissed me off. I won’t go into details, but he has been doing this for 2 years and a year and five months ago I blew a gasket over finding out he was still doing it. It nearly ended our relationship. So, he won’t quit. He tells me that he’s tried to stop, but can’t. I’m so emotionally drained.  Our whole relationship has been overwhelming. There is always some shit I find out that he’s pulled that gets me so upset. For example while I was back in the US applying for my fiance visa years ago I was messaged on FB by one of his lady friends. She let me know that they had exchanged naked pictures, sex texts years ago and that he was still messing around with her. Two days later she’s off his friends list. He must have pissed her off good for her to seek such revenge. So there I was 5,000 miles away and I couldn’t talk to DH about it? Why? Because he always gets pissed when there is something to talk about that puts him in a negative light – he’ll log off skype, won’t answer his phone – completely shut you out and there is nothing you can do, you are half a world away. So I went back – found the evidence – the lady was right about the past stuff anyway, I don’t know about the current stuff back then… but just an example of the fucking stress he puts me through. So, I’ve had enough. He’s been sleeping downstairs on the couch for two days now, which is good punishment for him having to be downstairs with the ogre. 

I just need to focus on myself. I am going to have him take me to the gym today and pay for another membership – I had to quit last winter because of the ogre cutting off DH’s pay. 

I admit I am very depressed over all of this, but I’ve been walked on enough for two years. 

I guess if anything I want to say in this blog – I hate my FIL for making my husband have passive aggressive tendancies and unable to express his emotions like a normal human being, being completely frozen and frightened and makes up lies about everything because he is afraid someone will be disappointed in him or he will look bad. I hate that my FIL made my DH unable to fully give himself to his wife and have such low self esteem that he will jump on anything that shows him any attention.

For those not truely in the know

Last year after the big blow up between all three of us – DH, I and the ogre –  DH and I talked to two of DH’s long time friends about the wedding and the blow up.  They were really dismissive. I believe the excuse of cultural differences might have came up, which to me is a cop-out. I have been told by other friends that the reason the ogre is the way he is is because *I* do not pray enough for him.  If I prayed harder than he would have been nicer to his wife and my husband and I.  WTF?  Anyway, for the record I don’t pray at all for him. I guess that’s why he’s just an asshole. Being as he’s been an asshole before I even met him, then wouldn’t it be someone else’s fault that he is the way he is, that they didn’t pray hard enough?  

But really, some people reading my blog might think – oh she’s being dramatic the little things the man does are really nothing, she’s making too much of it. Yes, most might think that, until you have been in this sort of situation/relationship. It is very hard to understand and recognize covert abuse.  There are some reading this blog that probably are undergoing this type of abuse and don’t realise it and may never.

I have found a link that if you are patient enough and want to understand it all – you will read all of it.  It is quite lengthy.  You may need to even take a break and come back to it. 

http://www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/manipulator/emotional_abuse.shtml

I link this because living in a covert abuse situation is very unpleasant, even moreso it is hard to speak out because most do  not fully understand it and will at times make the victim feel worse about it and in turn they will stay in the relationship instead of getting help or the strength they need to leave. 

Christmas Cards

House stunk to high hell last night due to the leek/cream soup sitting on the counter on a hot day rotting away.  DH and I actually woke up about 3/4am and complained to each other about the stench.  It had gotten so bad it was now in our room – never mind the stink had to travel through several closed doors (every door in the house must be closed at all times – I guess so they can be opened and slammed, who knows?) and a floor to get to us. It was nauseating.  

Yesterday more door slamming, today so far endless door slamming and grumbling.  What a miserable old man.  The ogre has finally gone away for how long who knows.  Its been for an hour now. So far I’ve taken plates downstairs, recyclables, hand washed DH’s shirt and hung it out (then it started raining on it briefly – sigh), made DH sandwiches and took out meat to thaw. I know, I said I wouldn’t make him sandwiches again… and he didn’t make and take any today. 

Yesterday afternoon I sat down and typed up two pages about my feelings on DH’s dishonesty and let him read it when he got home yesterday. He said he understood that more clearly than when we would talk about it. I said we are on a clean slate now. I told him that I will not stop loving him if he does something bad, but I deserve to be able to have negative feelings about things.  He can’t lie or withhold information because he is afraid I’ll be disappointed in him. So, we’ll see. There are some other issues we’ve discussed lately and he’s made efforts on that, so who knows.  I won’t turn a blind eye thinking everything is fixed now but rather just see how it goes, nor will I give him chance after chance.  

Anyway – another fun thing of the day – I checked the bins as usual when fatso left. Apparently I got mail today. Again the Ogre took it upon himself to open it, tear off the address label (he does with everything then shred it) and throw it out in the recycling bin.  I really hate this. A lot of contact I have with people is via writing snail mail letters.  I never tell them the ogre goes through my mail and throws some of it away.  I believe they would want to stop writing or fear he’s reading what they write. I have periods where their letters get lost and I have to wonder… last Christmas according to friends I write/talk to – unless they flat out lied to me or it got lost on the way here – I was missing about 7ish Christmas cards.  

I even began to wonder if the Ogre stole them and hung them up as his own.  You see he hangs the cards he gets all over the house every year. There are at least 300ish Christmas cards strung over various rooms. I think the cards are really strung up to try to impress people that he *knows* 300 people at least! Yet I’ve never seen him with a friend… 

Sometimes I amuse myself wondering what these people are thinking who send him cards.  “Did you fill out the card for the ogre honey?” “I thought we agreed we’d stop sending cards to that egotistical man!” “You know we can’t.  If we do he’ll just call and let us know in some passive aggressive way that he’s not received it yet.” “Oh for fucks sake! Fine, but I’m sending him this ugly patchwork Santa card then!”

So, I’m not sure what to do about mail.  I can’t report my mail stolen either because that will cause all sorts of hell that would definitely get us kicked out. I’m thinking about asking one of DH’s friends if I can have people mail their letters there. I wish we could also just have our regular mail sent there too, but we need our mail at this address right now for our future visa.  I also have decided that I am going to try counselling.  I am going to call the GP on Monday (when the ogre is gone) and see about getting a referral to talk to someone on how to cope better.  Which could be another problem because when DH has been referred somewhere they always send a letter to the house stating what it’s for and when the appointment is.  Since my mail does not get to me reliably I will have to tell the people that I cannot have that sent to the house. Then there is the chance that the information will not be relayed. I hate this shit. Why does it have to be all these hurdles to jump through? 

I see from prowling the bin this morning to see what other things of mine were possibly tossed away that the ogre has bought himself another 80 pound dress shirt. I swear he buys one on a weekly basis.  Every event that he goes to he buys all new clothing. The man has a 12 foot closet upstairs full to the brim with his shit (last time I saw it about a year ago) then has another closet in the pantry room that is 5 feet long full of shit. You can see how this irks me when I talked about how the man could not even buy DH a pair of trousers or a package of socks all those years.  DH now owns four pairs of jeans and a pair of shorts and we just got him a new pair of shoes because he had a big hole in the bottom of them and he was basically walking in rain and tearing holes in his socks. 

Just irritable today

I started a new post – I didn’t want the other to run epically long.

While we were out at the Dr’s we stopped at the friend’s place who lets us stay at his flat. We needed to pick up the printer. So we go in and it’s now four days since we left and the place is just back to being horrible. The garbage is near overflowing and it smells like a dead corpse in there. Now when the dinner was cooked (3 kilo of pork roast) DH said he and the guy ate most of it and I asked if there was left overs.  He said the guy wanted the left overs so he left them there. Four days later and the big chunk of pork is still sitting on the counter where they cut it, rotting. That pissed me off. DH could have ate that, what a fucking waste. The gravy and veggies were also still on the counter rotting away.  I think the thing that pissed DH and I off the most was the cooker. DH had cleaned the cooker before we left and there was shit all over it. I mean it looked like the man dumped an entire pan of tuna helper or something all over it.  There was at least 2 measuring cup full of this dried shit all over it. Counter is full of dishes, sink full of dishes. You name it. It just pissed me off to see DH and I cleaned up the place and in less than a week it was just horrible.  I told DH that I don’t want to stay there anymore.  I realize it is our only place to go but I refuse to clean up the place anymore. Maybe if I wasn’t so depressed and pissed with everything I wouldn’t get so riled up over it. Who knows.

When I was there last he came home midweek from his US holiday and then was home six hours before he went on another holiday thing. While he was home he sat on the computer chatting with people. He put clothes in the washer and they were done.  He told me to hang them up because he was leaving soon and didn’t have time to hang them up. Sure, I’ll do it. Then he continues to sit fucking around on the computer for another hour. I admit it annoyed me, I felt like the hired help. He could have hung them up for sure. I used to clean up his place and do all his dishes when I would go over with DH when DH would have his roleplay games there. I don’t wash the dishes anymore, very rarely. I guess this doesn’t have much to do about my FIL and PA – loosely – as that is the place where we run to to escape him… but I just had to rant.

DH and I saw that the ogre has a wedding gift and a card for someone’s wedding he is attending on Monday. Fine right? Well it just reminded us that he couldn’t be bothered with ours. No card, no nothing.  But every wedding that he is invited to and who wouldn’t invite him – he’ll always come and he’ll always bring an expensive gift. Our wedding anniversary rolled around in June. Did he say happy anniversary? How about the rest of the family? Nope!  Not one word just like on our wedding day.

The ogre was gone for a few hours last night, which was nice. But again when DH and I are in bed he decides to start making that horrible soup at 11pm. Pots banging, blender going, grumbling, slamming things downstairs etc. I might add the kitchen is right below our bedroom. Then again he is up and awake at 6am in the fucking kitchen again. I went downstairs earlier after he left (which was good timing because I was downstairs five minutes and he came home two minutes after I got back upstairs) and sure enough – I was right – he’s made leek soup. I should be grateful it’s not meat stew again to sit on the hob and rot for weeks I guess.

Yesterday was just shitty. DH took the day off so he could go to the DR and later the dentist.  So we actually got a few hours together which turned into a long conversation and a spat basically. I know I mention DH in this blog as somewhat of a victim of circumstances too and he is, but he adds a lot of bullshit to my life as well.  He lies about everything. We have to have a three hour conversation before he’ll tell the damn truth.  Most of his lies involve other women.  11pm the night before our wedding he tells me the truth about something I had been asking about for months. Of course I’m upset, don’t sleep the entire night but we still get married the next day. But he tells me he wants us to start our marriage without lies and that’s why he came clean. Yeah right, he’s lied ever since. Trust is a big thing to me and I find myself feeling so distant from him. He even makes up things that make no sense and for no reason.  One day he took an air freshner can with him to work. I asked him what it is for.  He says for the car incase he has to give a client a ride somewhere.  I ask, well, wouldn’t you know if you had to? His healthcare rota tells him everything he is to do for the client – giving a ride somewhere would be on there. It is not a spur of the moment thing he can do. So then he cleans only my things out from the car.  Well, earlier on in the day he tells me he is working with this girl and she walks to her clients houses. I already knew he was going to give her a ride to the jobs – he didn’t have to say and I didn’t care. It make sense to give the girl a ride so she isn’t holding you up at work waiting for her to arrive! But he makes up the client story so he doesn’t have to tell me he gave her a ride.  And the air freshner? Taking only my things out?  The next day he tells me he’s sorry he lied about it.  He’s pulled this kind of shit when we’ve been thousands of miles away then won’t answer my messages all day. I wonder if this marriage is worth saving somedays.  I think right now the best thing I can do is distance myself and focus on me. I’m not making his breakfast or packing his lunch anymore. Its true he won’t make himself lunch and just buy it out from pure laziness. Well if he spends the money whatever. HIs doing. I’m not going to feel guilty because he spent money because I didn’t make him lunch. He is capable of doing it himself.

He won’t stop lying to me – he says he has to because when we first started dating he told me something and I got mad after hearing about it.  He says I throw it in his face ever since.  I have not.  I have mentioned it possibly twice over three years. Good grief. So, I think I’m not allowed to get angry or upset when he tells me things. He lies to me because I make him. (So PA right there) And to be clear I tell him everything, even if I look like a mean bitch. I fuck up all the time and do stupid shit. I am human, he is human. I just don’t know why he can’t admit or tell me these things.  Tired of being truthful/honest and telling him about the rotten things I do and then having those used against me but he gets to lie away and its my fault that he lies.  I honestly think I expect too much of our relationship. I guess we need to bring it down a notch to just friends right now, but then again I expect friends to be honest with me.  Who knows…