Finger still infected


Well even after two courses of antibiotics and some neosporin and antibiotic cream I think I still have the infection in my finger. It’s still red and now getting red and splotchy in other spots. I don’t think it feels hot anymore. So, I will have to go back to the Dr. yet again. I guess get more antibotics 😦 The antibiotics I took have already made my ulcerative colitis act up. GRRR.  

Work is going better. I gave up on using the mop bucket, now I just drag the mop around with me. It makes things take longer and is inefficient but I’d rather not have a work place accident. Today is my fifth day working and I’ve not heard from my boss yet. She said she was sending a work contract and uniform for me. Nothing yet. I’ve not had my pin code to clock in and out work either nor has she returned my phone calls about it. I kind of wonder if I will get paid. I will give her a few more calls and see what happens. 

DH got another parking ticket, his last one was about three weeks ago. When he asked again for a parking permit for his job his work said there was no use because it would renew in a month and it would cost the company 10 pounds for it then 10 pounds again the next month when it is renewed for the year. He said he didn’t care and to give him the application. He is still waiting on the application and has contacted them since asking. He was so mad when he came home last night. He didn’t even make enough money that day to cover the ticket – 35 pounds. So he basically worked for free plus had to pay for petrol. His work has had so many violations and complaints they have not been able to get new clients and had to get rid of “complainers” so DH has been getting 15-25 hours a week. I’ve been giving him ads to apply for, for jobs and he has an interview on Monday. The job is far away but at least it’s at one place instead of driving around all day. And he won’t get parking tickets. When he mentioned the 2nd ticket to his boss she didn’t care. She said the cost wasn’t that much and he should just pay it and not worry about it. Except this is the 2nd ticket, so 70 pounds already for a job he makes around 150 a week on, not counting the petrol to drive around. 

Counselling appt tonight. We didn’t do the homework she gave us. Ho hum. I learned she is a sex therapist just last week so that is probably why she is not very good with personality disorders, not really her focus. Oh well.

In other news I think the cat is sick. I’m not sure what to do, she has lost a lot of weight and is almost skeletal. We cannot afford to take her to the vet and the ogre take her? Haha. Last time we took her we were never reimbursed. That was 200 pounds we didn’t have for a cat that isn’t ours. I’m going to have to ask DH if he will take her somewhere and have her surrendered to be looked at. 😦 I’m not really sure what to do other then that, it’s not fair on the cat and the ogre would never take her to the vet as from previous examples.

I wish we would just get a break. A full time job for me, a job with no parking tickets,bs, and at least minimum wage for DH. That would help. I really try to stay positive, I really do but damn it’s so hard somedays.

There really is no hope for me


When you leave a relationship with a passive aggressive/narc person whether it be romantic, friend based or workplace based you never want to experience that again. Ever. You might even get hyper vigilant in hopes of never being snared in their trap again. Well, I honestly thought I was doing well. And no, I am not talking about my husband or his dad.

Awhile back I mentioned three ladies from an online community which I am a part of and run the occasional event for. I got along with two of them until number three came along and they started acting very PA. After that I tried to separate myself from them and their drama. I was one of the community leads with them and recently told them I wanted to step down and just be a member and enjoy my time like other members just having fun and not having to deal with extra work. Besides, as one of the leads I was suppose to be involved in decisions etc, but nothing was ever told to me and if it was the complete opposite was done ten minutes later. I was told immediately they wanted to go another direction with things. Like five minutes after I said I wanted to step down. The direction they took was not discussed with our members and affected a good 120ish people. It was tossed on them about twenty minutes after telling me. A lot of people were upset. Many people left the community. DH is part of this community along with I and the older members asked him to form a new community. So he did. I have no idea how it will go, this is not something we planned. We wanted to enjoy ourself not have to run things. But I am trying to support DH in this. 

I was notified by one of the old community members and sent logs and screenshots given to them by a third party who was contacted by these leads. The person who sent the screenshots was kicked from our community for a few reasons. The kicked person did cause some issues. I am not sorry they had to leave it was causing stress. However the lead told the person kicked months ago that it was DH and I’s fault. We made them do it. Which was not true. We really had no say in anything. They said we had gotten so out of control behavior wise and forced them to do lots of things they didn’t want to do. What I don’t know, it didn’t say. But it said they decided to change the community to affect those hundredish people because of us. But now that we’ve left the community they thought they’d tell this person how it really is and how much they really liked them. 

Then these people tried to blacklist me from the larger community as a whole. This was heard by another person and they brought this to my attention. I feel so devastated. The people from the old community that wanted to make a new one will probably be affected by this. People will be reluctant to run any events with us, join or take us seriously. It really breaks my heart. 

However, we gave the new community a heads up, that they will probably be blacksheeps as well because of this. The person who gave us this information, screenshots etc came and spoke about it. The response was tremendous! People although they did not know the behinds the scenes drama were very supportive of me and DH and told us they wish the leads would fuck off.

Some community members who left and were told by the leads that they were welcome to as the direction was changing. They were subjected to harassment and malice. I have a feeling this won’t be the end of it the harassment and trying to sabotage us. I feel like an utter heel for letting this happen. I should have seen through their facade months ago. Will I truly ever be able to stay away from relationships with people with PD’s?

Regardless, I’ve had a lot of outpouring of support and people who have told their stories to me about these two leads. I guess I caught them at a “normal” time and they cause this drama every six months to a year. It sounds silly but it has really upset me. I’ve had five hours of sleep in the last two days and I don’t know if I can even sleep now. I know this sounds utterly stupid, but I thought these people were my friends. I loved chatting with them on skype the last eight months as things are pretty dismal and lonely here. 

I hope they just leave me alone.



I can’t think of any good titles for this post for the next couple. I don’t want to make them dramatic sounding but life is pretty much low right now.

I guess I should update on the dental situation. I had an emergency appointment and found out that yes, my crown is loose. The dentist was able to wiggle it but she said it was not loose enough to pull out without possible damage to the crown itself. The bone infection I had a year ago apparently was not cleared up despite my two courses of antibiotics and I still had that infection. I had pain in that tooth for over a year after work was done. I figured that it was due to a chipped part and more pressure on the tooth when chewing/talking but no. I was given another set of antibiotics which I’ve completed and the tooth still feels sore. Basically we are waiting to see if the infection goes away because the dentist thinks the swelling has cause the crown to be loose for the mean time. Once the swelling goes down we’ll see if the fit is still a problem. So all that was 50 pounds we didn’t have. So, I sit and wait with the tooth, for now I am not eating anything that requires much chewing.

I started my new job yesterday. I hate it already. It’s only an hour but work of two hours, it’s for cleaning a fairly known business and the cleaning in itself is OK, it’s just the conditions. My janitor closet it so tiny and it if full of shit. I literally have about six inches to manuever in sideways to get things out. I have to constantly walk on shit. There is no way to get a bucket of water out the door unless I pick it up and carry it over shit blocking the door which is about five feet off the ground. I had to spend 15 minutes today looking for a broom that was taken (I was warned about this), then injured my hand trying to use a mop bucket that does not have a handle on it’s wringer…It’s a short stubby piece of metal where you put the handle on which is the only thing really to use. I hate that supply closet. I lose a lot of time trying to physically get in and out of there. The cleaning is OK. I don’t like how I am told to do the bathrooms I find it…very unsanitizing. I have to use the same rag over and over that you clean the toilet with on the sink, door, handles etc. And no I don’t get any antibacterial cleaner either. EWWW. One person, who I think is the lead or whatever just grumbles at me when I ask him anything -like have you seen this broom? I’m glad it’s only an hour a day, but really I wish I could just walk in and out of the supply closet without issue. The closet it only about 6×6 if that and most of it is full of things that aren’t janitorial, it’s store shit. I’m grateful to be making 6.31 a day, but I still can’t wait to find a full time job.


Tired Night


I’ve had a rough night, but I’ll talk about some funny things first.

Ogre comes back from trip last week and gives DH a package of pak choi. Ogre tells DH that he remembers how DH asked for Pak choi and they didn’t have any at the store, so he saw some and bought it. This was over TWO years ago when DH asked for this… you know when we were all kind of civil still. 

Ogre had multiple desserts he made for his dinner party – all cream and fruit. He let them sit out for two days then put them in the fridge. Then we went away for almost a week came back to them uncovered in the fridge and tried to eat them. One was already half eaten from him, so he tried finishing it off when he got back. DH said he went “ungh” and flushed it but proceeded to eat the next rotten dessert… 0_0

Now onto rants. The boiler has been making horrific sounds for three weeks now. Sounds that make you think someone is trying to break into the house. This happens every few months. The boiler breaks down. Ogre could buy a new one quite easily but paying someone to fix an ancient boiler and waste the money on booze, new clothes and his 80th set of fancy dinner plates is more important. So it’s been a balmy high 40’s/50 degrees in here since Thursday. My fingers and toes are numb, the hot water bottle and blanket aren’t doing much at all. I stink and just want to take a shower. I will have to man up and shower with you know freezing water later. Going down and boiling multiple kettles of water to bathe with… with the ogre here…haha. yeah, right.

The power went out several times last night then came back on, which meant the house alarm went off several times at you know… 3am, 4am ish. That was terrifying to say the least. DH had to deal with all that, Ogre couldn’t be bothered. Ogre would rather stand there and try to discuss why it’s going off over the loud wails then go take care of it. So last night was broken, terrifying and freezing sleep. I am hoping the ogre will just check himself into a hotel to get away from the cold. 

Now that the boiler is broken will the fix it man need to get into our bedroom on monday to get at the airing cupboard? Ogre is not telling us. So that will likely be a surprise. 

I got a call back from a job I applied for. It’s only an hour a day cleaning, but whatever. It’s food money. I have the interview on monday… I had to get a proof of bank account from my bank today (I have no statements or money in my account so I have to go there to get proof :/) as I got the call about it late Friday night… bank is closed on the weekends. OK…so I get to do that on Monday plus get ready for this interview stealthly with a fix it man possibly going in and out of the bedroom and the ogre lurking about. Ah well. 

Still no resolution on this mobile phone. The company said they sent me a corrupted sim card when I bought the phone and have yet to send out a new one. It’s been three weeks now. It’s not worked day one since October. This is stupid. What can I do? I found the email of the company’s CEO and head office CSR lady. I am thinking about emailing them about it. I don’t know what else can be done. I’m in the process of finding a new mobile company for DH as well. I don’t want to deal with that company anymore – they are too expensive and CS sucks!

I will further whine: Make nice lunch for me and DH. I take mine upstairs, he goes to work… I set my plate on my “Desk”. My desk is a dresser that is about three feet long and about a foot and a half wide. Ontop is the PC, monitor, speakers, mouse and my keyboard which has to be positioned sideways and about a quarter of it hanging off the desk. When I type it makes this terrible sound as the keyboard is being pushed slightly off the table when I type on the left side and when I let off the keys the keyboard falls back down on the chest. Pretty ghetto. I don’t know why I thought I’d put my plate there. Well it got knocked off within the first two minutes of sitting there and the oily noodle contents went all over the printer, xbox controller (glad I don’t actually have an xbox or that would have probably been covered in crap too), down the side of the bed fabric, the wall and all over papers. 

It was a horrible mess to clean up. And basically there went my dinner. Not the usual crap dinner we had but good dinner. I paid 1.88 for a bag of pancit noodles and sauce and added veggies and a piece of pork to it. So maybe 3.50 on this meal for both of us. This is how mad I get … I think, that is nothing… but we don’t spend that much on food! Our meals are less than a pound a meal usually. Rice and veggies that’s what we eat for most meals, that or cheap ramen. So, although it sounds like nothing, I basically in my eyes just ruined a steak dinner. Pathetic. Whole situation pathetic.

While I was trying to clean up the mess I was knocking things off shelves as I do when I walk by them because there is almost zero walking room in here, which only made me madder. In the morning DH has to stand on the bed over me and get his clothes out of the closet. I’m so tired of this. 

I put out more job apps and have been emailed some apps to mail back. Hopefully that goes somewhere. Tired of spending basically a meals worth of money to mail these apps back with NO responses whatsoever or if I follow up with them I get… guess what.. no responses. 

I’m becoming just bitter and hateful. I’ve always been the one that never found it hard to find a job and held multiple jobs at once. I’ll do whatever, I’m not too good for a job. I always did what I had to do meet my bills. Maybe it’s just a new era or something – maybe the economy is too shitty. Maybe they don’t want to fuss with foreigners. I don’t know, but I’d love if I could just find a job.





Try to escape… you find more crazies!


Ogre went away for a few days  and came back yesterday. Same ol… DH and I were able to go up in the loft and hunt around for his childhood photos which we’ve claimed. At least that was something. We found some rather odd ones of his mom and it’s got both of us worked up. I think his gran must have tried to um…well either help them get married by all these advertising pics she had of her daughters or sold them or did some arranged marriage thing. Either way, we are a bit creeped out and left with some questions. Questions that will likely never be answered. The further we go down the rabbit hole in this family the stranger it gets.

But that’s not what I wanted to talk about. It would take me eons to type about this next subject so I will keep it brief. I do a lot of online community events, I like to plan stuff… I have been working with two women for months, well since summer that have been fine. Well a third friend of theirs joins us and it has been nothing but chaos and drama. From someone in my position as now seeing how PA/Narc people play out and their games I want to get far away. Woman #3 constantly psychologically abuses woman #1. Woman #2 watches and abuses #1 as well. The abused comes back for more with apologies and giving #3 anything she wants. Now #3 has tried to start shit and ruin an event I was hosting online. I had to talk to this infant today because I won’t tolerate this. I was told I should make concessions for her because her life is crap – it’s not. She then went on to lie to me about things, etc. etc. All the while being demeaning and PA.

I think, my god. I love this community, I love the people – but #3 has got 1 and 2 so codependent and gullible that there are literally destroying the community. As I know from experience, there is no talking to them and making them see she is nuts. I’m slowly being pushed to the side while they eat up more abuse. I learned today that #1 has felt sorry that the abuser didn’t get her way last time (even though she did) and felt so sorry for her that she gave her a higher up position and more projects. (which she will fail to do as always)

This has brought a lot of stress to my life since December, DH as well. He is involved in this community. We have decided to focus on the members and ignore her, however if there is one more incident (major -hell everyday its minor ones with her) we are leaving. And when we leave we will be blacklisted pretty much from those communities forever, the leaders have so much pull.

I think… something I do to relax me, help others and be creative and now it’s nothing but a source of stress. How many people with personality disorders do I have to run into…. I must be a magnet. It’s really sad given my current situation that I do this to have some escapism and now I”m running into the same psychological shit there too. 


EDIT: I forgot to mention that woman #3 has a woman living with her and her husband. Supposedly. Apparently they are helping this woman get back on her feet… but I really have my suspicions. She has no qualms telling the community all about this woman she’s took in, her past (which is quite tragic) and how much she hates this woman but can’t toss her out or take her to a shelter or try to contact friends or family to come help her out. If you give suggestions she won’t hear of it. She says the lady cries at a drop of the hat and other things that sound very odd. From someone looking in it might appear as the boarder might be crazy but yeah after talking with woman #3 and seeing her in action… I think she’s another PA/Narc 0_0

Weirdo job lady


I haven’t written in awhile. I had and still have a random infection in my middle finger. Typing was very painful. It is still red and hideous looking but at least the swelling has gone down and I can bend it again. I learned that getting a cream like neosporin at the pharmacy does not happen here. One must get a prescription for it. So that was 7 pounds we didn’t have. 

Third counselling session we had was wasted. The counsellor started off asking how we were doing and DH went into an hour long rant about the ogre. We have at LEAST a one hour rant or more about him a day. I feel we waste too much time on this and we essentially wasted our therapy session.  I told DH I don’t want to mindlessly rant about the ogre at our sessions again. We only get so many. So we’ll see. 

I had a really annoying thing happen last week about a day before the finger infection. I got an email from a lady about a cleaning job I applied for. It was for 4 hours a day in a town about 16 miles round trip to get there. I applied and she emailed back saying she was inviting ALL people who applied to come to this warehouse building at noon in a day and a half. She said please let me know if you are coming. As she emailed it around 5pm that day I emailed her the next morning around 8. I asked her if the job would require a car to drive around and clean office buildings or would I just clean at the warehouse location. It did not say in the ad nor was there a contact address to ask when applying. I never hear back from the lady and I”m not wasting money on two buses to get over there to find out I need a car. At 12:06 DH receives a call from the woman. (Remember I am having mobile issues STILL from a mobile service and I can’t use mine) She demands to know where I am and asks DH if I got into an accident and that she drove 3 hours to get here just to interview me. Btw, I never heard anything more from this woman.

A few things: First she asked me to confirm I was coming. I emailed with a question, she never replied. Surely if you were asking for a confirmation you’d check your email.. Second who calls six minutes into an interview demanding to know where someone is? Couldn’t she have interviewed the next person. I mean she did say she invited all people who applied to come. Then she asks DH if I’ve gotten into an accident? WTF. So he said he went into panic mode thinking I went to this thing and something happened to me. And lastly – claims to have driven three hours just to interview me. What about all the other people you said were coming? And the company I emailed her the question at isn’t three hours away… So the whole thing made me really mad. I think I dodged a bullet working for a nutcase like that. 

Other than that, on the job front nothing but declines. I asked one place to give me feedback on my cv and why I wouldn’t be asked for an interview for the role of a project manager assistant (which I’ve done). That was last week… nothing… it’s nothing special, this happens alot. I ask for feedback I get dead air.