House stunk to high hell last night due to the leek/cream soup sitting on the counter on a hot day rotting away. DH and I actually woke up about 3/4am and complained to each other about the stench. It had gotten so bad it was now in our room – never mind the stink had to travel through several closed doors (every door in the house must be closed at all times – I guess so they can be opened and slammed, who knows?) and a floor to get to us. It was nauseating.
Yesterday more door slamming, today so far endless door slamming and grumbling. What a miserable old man. The ogre has finally gone away for how long who knows. Its been for an hour now. So far I’ve taken plates downstairs, recyclables, hand washed DH’s shirt and hung it out (then it started raining on it briefly – sigh), made DH sandwiches and took out meat to thaw. I know, I said I wouldn’t make him sandwiches again… and he didn’t make and take any today.
Yesterday afternoon I sat down and typed up two pages about my feelings on DH’s dishonesty and let him read it when he got home yesterday. He said he understood that more clearly than when we would talk about it. I said we are on a clean slate now. I told him that I will not stop loving him if he does something bad, but I deserve to be able to have negative feelings about things. He can’t lie or withhold information because he is afraid I’ll be disappointed in him. So, we’ll see. There are some other issues we’ve discussed lately and he’s made efforts on that, so who knows. I won’t turn a blind eye thinking everything is fixed now but rather just see how it goes, nor will I give him chance after chance.
Anyway – another fun thing of the day – I checked the bins as usual when fatso left. Apparently I got mail today. Again the Ogre took it upon himself to open it, tear off the address label (he does with everything then shred it) and throw it out in the recycling bin. I really hate this. A lot of contact I have with people is via writing snail mail letters. I never tell them the ogre goes through my mail and throws some of it away. I believe they would want to stop writing or fear he’s reading what they write. I have periods where their letters get lost and I have to wonder… last Christmas according to friends I write/talk to – unless they flat out lied to me or it got lost on the way here – I was missing about 7ish Christmas cards.
I even began to wonder if the Ogre stole them and hung them up as his own. You see he hangs the cards he gets all over the house every year. There are at least 300ish Christmas cards strung over various rooms. I think the cards are really strung up to try to impress people that he *knows* 300 people at least! Yet I’ve never seen him with a friend…
Sometimes I amuse myself wondering what these people are thinking who send him cards. “Did you fill out the card for the ogre honey?” “I thought we agreed we’d stop sending cards to that egotistical man!” “You know we can’t. If we do he’ll just call and let us know in some passive aggressive way that he’s not received it yet.” “Oh for fucks sake! Fine, but I’m sending him this ugly patchwork Santa card then!”
So, I’m not sure what to do about mail. I can’t report my mail stolen either because that will cause all sorts of hell that would definitely get us kicked out. I’m thinking about asking one of DH’s friends if I can have people mail their letters there. I wish we could also just have our regular mail sent there too, but we need our mail at this address right now for our future visa. I also have decided that I am going to try counselling. I am going to call the GP on Monday (when the ogre is gone) and see about getting a referral to talk to someone on how to cope better. Which could be another problem because when DH has been referred somewhere they always send a letter to the house stating what it’s for and when the appointment is. Since my mail does not get to me reliably I will have to tell the people that I cannot have that sent to the house. Then there is the chance that the information will not be relayed. I hate this shit. Why does it have to be all these hurdles to jump through?
I see from prowling the bin this morning to see what other things of mine were possibly tossed away that the ogre has bought himself another 80 pound dress shirt. I swear he buys one on a weekly basis. Every event that he goes to he buys all new clothing. The man has a 12 foot closet upstairs full to the brim with his shit (last time I saw it about a year ago) then has another closet in the pantry room that is 5 feet long full of shit. You can see how this irks me when I talked about how the man could not even buy DH a pair of trousers or a package of socks all those years. DH now owns four pairs of jeans and a pair of shorts and we just got him a new pair of shoes because he had a big hole in the bottom of them and he was basically walking in rain and tearing holes in his socks.