When you leave a relationship with a passive aggressive/narc person whether it be romantic, friend based or workplace based you never want to experience that again. Ever. You might even get hyper vigilant in hopes of never being snared in their trap again. Well, I honestly thought I was doing well. And no, I am not talking about my husband or his dad.
Awhile back I mentioned three ladies from an online community which I am a part of and run the occasional event for. I got along with two of them until number three came along and they started acting very PA. After that I tried to separate myself from them and their drama. I was one of the community leads with them and recently told them I wanted to step down and just be a member and enjoy my time like other members just having fun and not having to deal with extra work. Besides, as one of the leads I was suppose to be involved in decisions etc, but nothing was ever told to me and if it was the complete opposite was done ten minutes later. I was told immediately they wanted to go another direction with things. Like five minutes after I said I wanted to step down. The direction they took was not discussed with our members and affected a good 120ish people. It was tossed on them about twenty minutes after telling me. A lot of people were upset. Many people left the community. DH is part of this community along with I and the older members asked him to form a new community. So he did. I have no idea how it will go, this is not something we planned. We wanted to enjoy ourself not have to run things. But I am trying to support DH in this.
I was notified by one of the old community members and sent logs and screenshots given to them by a third party who was contacted by these leads. The person who sent the screenshots was kicked from our community for a few reasons. The kicked person did cause some issues. I am not sorry they had to leave it was causing stress. However the lead told the person kicked months ago that it was DH and I’s fault. We made them do it. Which was not true. We really had no say in anything. They said we had gotten so out of control behavior wise and forced them to do lots of things they didn’t want to do. What I don’t know, it didn’t say. But it said they decided to change the community to affect those hundredish people because of us. But now that we’ve left the community they thought they’d tell this person how it really is and how much they really liked them.
Then these people tried to blacklist me from the larger community as a whole. This was heard by another person and they brought this to my attention. I feel so devastated. The people from the old community that wanted to make a new one will probably be affected by this. People will be reluctant to run any events with us, join or take us seriously. It really breaks my heart.
However, we gave the new community a heads up, that they will probably be blacksheeps as well because of this. The person who gave us this information, screenshots etc came and spoke about it. The response was tremendous! People although they did not know the behinds the scenes drama were very supportive of me and DH and told us they wish the leads would fuck off.
Some community members who left and were told by the leads that they were welcome to as the direction was changing. They were subjected to harassment and malice. I have a feeling this won’t be the end of it the harassment and trying to sabotage us. I feel like an utter heel for letting this happen. I should have seen through their facade months ago. Will I truly ever be able to stay away from relationships with people with PD’s?
Regardless, I’ve had a lot of outpouring of support and people who have told their stories to me about these two leads. I guess I caught them at a “normal” time and they cause this drama every six months to a year. It sounds silly but it has really upset me. I’ve had five hours of sleep in the last two days and I don’t know if I can even sleep now. I know this sounds utterly stupid, but I thought these people were my friends. I loved chatting with them on skype the last eight months as things are pretty dismal and lonely here.
I hope they just leave me alone.