There really is no hope for me

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When you leave a relationship with a passive aggressive/narc person whether it be romantic, friend based or workplace based you never want to experience that again. Ever. You might even get hyper vigilant in hopes of never being snared in their trap again. Well, I honestly thought I was doing well. And no, I am not talking about my husband or his dad.

Awhile back I mentioned three ladies from an online community which I am a part of and run the occasional event for. I got along with two of them until number three came along and they started acting very PA. After that I tried to separate myself from them and their drama. I was one of the community leads with them and recently told them I wanted to step down and just be a member and enjoy my time like other members just having fun and not having to deal with extra work. Besides, as one of the leads I was suppose to be involved in decisions etc, but nothing was ever told to me and if it was the complete opposite was done ten minutes later. I was told immediately they wanted to go another direction with things. Like five minutes after I said I wanted to step down. The direction they took was not discussed with our members and affected a good 120ish people. It was tossed on them about twenty minutes after telling me. A lot of people were upset. Many people left the community. DH is part of this community along with I and the older members asked him to form a new community. So he did. I have no idea how it will go, this is not something we planned. We wanted to enjoy ourself not have to run things. But I am trying to support DH in this. 

I was notified by one of the old community members and sent logs and screenshots given to them by a third party who was contacted by these leads. The person who sent the screenshots was kicked from our community for a few reasons. The kicked person did cause some issues. I am not sorry they had to leave it was causing stress. However the lead told the person kicked months ago that it was DH and I’s fault. We made them do it. Which was not true. We really had no say in anything. They said we had gotten so out of control behavior wise and forced them to do lots of things they didn’t want to do. What I don’t know, it didn’t say. But it said they decided to change the community to affect those hundredish people because of us. But now that we’ve left the community they thought they’d tell this person how it really is and how much they really liked them. 

Then these people tried to blacklist me from the larger community as a whole. This was heard by another person and they brought this to my attention. I feel so devastated. The people from the old community that wanted to make a new one will probably be affected by this. People will be reluctant to run any events with us, join or take us seriously. It really breaks my heart. 

However, we gave the new community a heads up, that they will probably be blacksheeps as well because of this. The person who gave us this information, screenshots etc came and spoke about it. The response was tremendous! People although they did not know the behinds the scenes drama were very supportive of me and DH and told us they wish the leads would fuck off.

Some community members who left and were told by the leads that they were welcome to as the direction was changing. They were subjected to harassment and malice. I have a feeling this won’t be the end of it the harassment and trying to sabotage us. I feel like an utter heel for letting this happen. I should have seen through their facade months ago. Will I truly ever be able to stay away from relationships with people with PD’s?

Regardless, I’ve had a lot of outpouring of support and people who have told their stories to me about these two leads. I guess I caught them at a “normal” time and they cause this drama every six months to a year. It sounds silly but it has really upset me. I’ve had five hours of sleep in the last two days and I don’t know if I can even sleep now. I know this sounds utterly stupid, but I thought these people were my friends. I loved chatting with them on skype the last eight months as things are pretty dismal and lonely here. 

I hope they just leave me alone.

Tired Night

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I’ve had a rough night, but I’ll talk about some funny things first.

Ogre comes back from trip last week and gives DH a package of pak choi. Ogre tells DH that he remembers how DH asked for Pak choi and they didn’t have any at the store, so he saw some and bought it. This was over TWO years ago when DH asked for this… you know when we were all kind of civil still. 

Ogre had multiple desserts he made for his dinner party – all cream and fruit. He let them sit out for two days then put them in the fridge. Then we went away for almost a week came back to them uncovered in the fridge and tried to eat them. One was already half eaten from him, so he tried finishing it off when he got back. DH said he went “ungh” and flushed it but proceeded to eat the next rotten dessert… 0_0

Now onto rants. The boiler has been making horrific sounds for three weeks now. Sounds that make you think someone is trying to break into the house. This happens every few months. The boiler breaks down. Ogre could buy a new one quite easily but paying someone to fix an ancient boiler and waste the money on booze, new clothes and his 80th set of fancy dinner plates is more important. So it’s been a balmy high 40’s/50 degrees in here since Thursday. My fingers and toes are numb, the hot water bottle and blanket aren’t doing much at all. I stink and just want to take a shower. I will have to man up and shower with you know freezing water later. Going down and boiling multiple kettles of water to bathe with… with the ogre here…haha. yeah, right.

The power went out several times last night then came back on, which meant the house alarm went off several times at you know… 3am, 4am ish. That was terrifying to say the least. DH had to deal with all that, Ogre couldn’t be bothered. Ogre would rather stand there and try to discuss why it’s going off over the loud wails then go take care of it. So last night was broken, terrifying and freezing sleep. I am hoping the ogre will just check himself into a hotel to get away from the cold. 

Now that the boiler is broken will the fix it man need to get into our bedroom on monday to get at the airing cupboard? Ogre is not telling us. So that will likely be a surprise. 

I got a call back from a job I applied for. It’s only an hour a day cleaning, but whatever. It’s food money. I have the interview on monday… I had to get a proof of bank account from my bank today (I have no statements or money in my account so I have to go there to get proof :/) as I got the call about it late Friday night… bank is closed on the weekends. OK…so I get to do that on Monday plus get ready for this interview stealthly with a fix it man possibly going in and out of the bedroom and the ogre lurking about. Ah well. 

Still no resolution on this mobile phone. The company said they sent me a corrupted sim card when I bought the phone and have yet to send out a new one. It’s been three weeks now. It’s not worked day one since October. This is stupid. What can I do? I found the email of the company’s CEO and head office CSR lady. I am thinking about emailing them about it. I don’t know what else can be done. I’m in the process of finding a new mobile company for DH as well. I don’t want to deal with that company anymore – they are too expensive and CS sucks!

I will further whine: Make nice lunch for me and DH. I take mine upstairs, he goes to work… I set my plate on my “Desk”. My desk is a dresser that is about three feet long and about a foot and a half wide. Ontop is the PC, monitor, speakers, mouse and my keyboard which has to be positioned sideways and about a quarter of it hanging off the desk. When I type it makes this terrible sound as the keyboard is being pushed slightly off the table when I type on the left side and when I let off the keys the keyboard falls back down on the chest. Pretty ghetto. I don’t know why I thought I’d put my plate there. Well it got knocked off within the first two minutes of sitting there and the oily noodle contents went all over the printer, xbox controller (glad I don’t actually have an xbox or that would have probably been covered in crap too), down the side of the bed fabric, the wall and all over papers. 

It was a horrible mess to clean up. And basically there went my dinner. Not the usual crap dinner we had but good dinner. I paid 1.88 for a bag of pancit noodles and sauce and added veggies and a piece of pork to it. So maybe 3.50 on this meal for both of us. This is how mad I get … I think, that is nothing… but we don’t spend that much on food! Our meals are less than a pound a meal usually. Rice and veggies that’s what we eat for most meals, that or cheap ramen. So, although it sounds like nothing, I basically in my eyes just ruined a steak dinner. Pathetic. Whole situation pathetic.

While I was trying to clean up the mess I was knocking things off shelves as I do when I walk by them because there is almost zero walking room in here, which only made me madder. In the morning DH has to stand on the bed over me and get his clothes out of the closet. I’m so tired of this. 

I put out more job apps and have been emailed some apps to mail back. Hopefully that goes somewhere. Tired of spending basically a meals worth of money to mail these apps back with NO responses whatsoever or if I follow up with them I get… guess what.. no responses. 

I’m becoming just bitter and hateful. I’ve always been the one that never found it hard to find a job and held multiple jobs at once. I’ll do whatever, I’m not too good for a job. I always did what I had to do meet my bills. Maybe it’s just a new era or something – maybe the economy is too shitty. Maybe they don’t want to fuss with foreigners. I don’t know, but I’d love if I could just find a job.

 

 

 

 

Try to escape… you find more crazies!

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Ogre went away for a few days  and came back yesterday. Same ol… DH and I were able to go up in the loft and hunt around for his childhood photos which we’ve claimed. At least that was something. We found some rather odd ones of his mom and it’s got both of us worked up. I think his gran must have tried to um…well either help them get married by all these advertising pics she had of her daughters or sold them or did some arranged marriage thing. Either way, we are a bit creeped out and left with some questions. Questions that will likely never be answered. The further we go down the rabbit hole in this family the stranger it gets.

But that’s not what I wanted to talk about. It would take me eons to type about this next subject so I will keep it brief. I do a lot of online community events, I like to plan stuff… I have been working with two women for months, well since summer that have been fine. Well a third friend of theirs joins us and it has been nothing but chaos and drama. From someone in my position as now seeing how PA/Narc people play out and their games I want to get far away. Woman #3 constantly psychologically abuses woman #1. Woman #2 watches and abuses #1 as well. The abused comes back for more with apologies and giving #3 anything she wants. Now #3 has tried to start shit and ruin an event I was hosting online. I had to talk to this infant today because I won’t tolerate this. I was told I should make concessions for her because her life is crap – it’s not. She then went on to lie to me about things, etc. etc. All the while being demeaning and PA.

I think, my god. I love this community, I love the people – but #3 has got 1 and 2 so codependent and gullible that there are literally destroying the community. As I know from experience, there is no talking to them and making them see she is nuts. I’m slowly being pushed to the side while they eat up more abuse. I learned today that #1 has felt sorry that the abuser didn’t get her way last time (even though she did) and felt so sorry for her that she gave her a higher up position and more projects. (which she will fail to do as always)

This has brought a lot of stress to my life since December, DH as well. He is involved in this community. We have decided to focus on the members and ignore her, however if there is one more incident (major -hell everyday its minor ones with her) we are leaving. And when we leave we will be blacklisted pretty much from those communities forever, the leaders have so much pull.

I think… something I do to relax me, help others and be creative and now it’s nothing but a source of stress. How many people with personality disorders do I have to run into…. I must be a magnet. It’s really sad given my current situation that I do this to have some escapism and now I”m running into the same psychological shit there too. 

 

EDIT: I forgot to mention that woman #3 has a woman living with her and her husband. Supposedly. Apparently they are helping this woman get back on her feet… but I really have my suspicions. She has no qualms telling the community all about this woman she’s took in, her past (which is quite tragic) and how much she hates this woman but can’t toss her out or take her to a shelter or try to contact friends or family to come help her out. If you give suggestions she won’t hear of it. She says the lady cries at a drop of the hat and other things that sound very odd. From someone looking in it might appear as the boarder might be crazy but yeah after talking with woman #3 and seeing her in action… I think she’s another PA/Narc 0_0

Weirdo job lady

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I haven’t written in awhile. I had and still have a random infection in my middle finger. Typing was very painful. It is still red and hideous looking but at least the swelling has gone down and I can bend it again. I learned that getting a cream like neosporin at the pharmacy does not happen here. One must get a prescription for it. So that was 7 pounds we didn’t have. 

Third counselling session we had was wasted. The counsellor started off asking how we were doing and DH went into an hour long rant about the ogre. We have at LEAST a one hour rant or more about him a day. I feel we waste too much time on this and we essentially wasted our therapy session.  I told DH I don’t want to mindlessly rant about the ogre at our sessions again. We only get so many. So we’ll see. 

I had a really annoying thing happen last week about a day before the finger infection. I got an email from a lady about a cleaning job I applied for. It was for 4 hours a day in a town about 16 miles round trip to get there. I applied and she emailed back saying she was inviting ALL people who applied to come to this warehouse building at noon in a day and a half. She said please let me know if you are coming. As she emailed it around 5pm that day I emailed her the next morning around 8. I asked her if the job would require a car to drive around and clean office buildings or would I just clean at the warehouse location. It did not say in the ad nor was there a contact address to ask when applying. I never hear back from the lady and I”m not wasting money on two buses to get over there to find out I need a car. At 12:06 DH receives a call from the woman. (Remember I am having mobile issues STILL from a mobile service and I can’t use mine) She demands to know where I am and asks DH if I got into an accident and that she drove 3 hours to get here just to interview me. Btw, I never heard anything more from this woman.

A few things: First she asked me to confirm I was coming. I emailed with a question, she never replied. Surely if you were asking for a confirmation you’d check your email.. Second who calls six minutes into an interview demanding to know where someone is? Couldn’t she have interviewed the next person. I mean she did say she invited all people who applied to come. Then she asks DH if I’ve gotten into an accident? WTF. So he said he went into panic mode thinking I went to this thing and something happened to me. And lastly – claims to have driven three hours just to interview me. What about all the other people you said were coming? And the company I emailed her the question at isn’t three hours away… So the whole thing made me really mad. I think I dodged a bullet working for a nutcase like that. 

Other than that, on the job front nothing but declines. I asked one place to give me feedback on my cv and why I wouldn’t be asked for an interview for the role of a project manager assistant (which I’ve done). That was last week… nothing… it’s nothing special, this happens alot. I ask for feedback I get dead air. 

Lulz

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So if you remember during Christmas we were left out and not invited to any of the celebrations. Also, the grandmother was here visiting which we weren’t told about until two days before her arrival and pretty much on accident. During that time DH and I rarely went downstairs or out of our bedroom – which thinking about it isn’t really anything new.  Well, over Christmas DH’s princess PA/Narc sister left him a gift under the tree. Her last gift was chocolates that expired a month later. I think they were given to her some time ago and regifted to DH. DH saw the gift by the tree but the ogre said nothing about it – he didn’t say anything like “hey you got a gift here”, nothing. So we let it sit. Honestly a gift from his sister he doesn’t really want. He can’t stand her, she is a rotten human being just like the ogre. So the ogre set the gift by the front door the last week and said nothing about it. Because he never says really anything except for demanding you do x, y or z. 

So the family left last night and we noticed the sister took her gift back – LOL. It amused me. To be honest, we did open the gift up out of curiosity and rewrapped it. I don’t know if this food item was regifted or for whatever reason she broke the seal on it. Either way, very tacky. So likely she will need to find another recipient for her regifted x 2/3? gift.

DH felt bad though last night, the family knows he is here and there is not a place set for him at the table for the party and no one says a thing to him when he leaves to go back to work. I think he wanted someone to ask him why he wasn’t joining them, then he could say that he didn’t hear anything about the party and he wasn’t invited. (granted we figured out what was going on, but not the same) I think he is slowly realising he no longer has a family, the ogre has turned them all against him. 

 

I remember when I came here and directly asked if his dad had mental issues (as my ex’s dad and mom did) he outright said no… now look at it. DH told me his family was very close and would never do anything like my ex PA/Narc DH family did, now look at them. I think he is slowly starting to realise there are some incongruencies in his thoughts about his family. Like I ask him if you knew you had to  do whatever it took during the day to make sure you avoided your dad’s wrath or that he didn’t abuse your mom, didn’t you think there was an issue?? And you felt you couldn’t tell your family that your dad was abusing your disabled mom? There’s a problem too! Hello!

Anyway, we have our third counselling session tonight, hopefully that goes well. I know DH still keeps things from me. I’ve found him deleting messages from lady friends on a chat program the last week. 

Shrug

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Nothing really new to report. Same old. I didn’t get the job. All I can do is keep reading “sorry but no thank you” emails and keep filling them out. 

November and December were frought with rotten things that set us back in money, now January as well. DH had to sign up for the third time for his NVQ 2 class (The other 2 classes never completed – no one would go to them and the trainers quit etc). He found out he could skip that and take NVQ 3, so he signed up for that, which was 250 pound fee plus a few every month. If he had just stated he wanted 3 instead of 2 off the bat he wouldn’t have been charged the fee. Ah well. He didn’t know. DH got a parking ticket and then hid it from me. It was gotten while he was doing his carework. He’s procrastinated for months about getting a parking permit from the city, so there’s 30 pounds there. Course it’s his old bosses fault.. Anyway, then he wracked up an 80 pound phone bill – 30 pounds extra then what it was suppose to be. The excuse: He wanted to listen to videos on Youtube while working. Two things – no, wait three. First, he has hundreds of songs on his phone to listen to, literally. Second, he has a habit of watching naughty crap on youtube, so now I wonder about that. Three: He was apparently listening to this music in his client’s houses! That is a NO NO! How unprofessional and probably irritating to his clients. His excuse:  He was very sad in December so he wanted to listen to some music. Again, stupid excuse. So, I will bring that up in our next counselling session.

I was not impressed with our counseller the first session, the second one I am a bit happier about. We got to discuss why DH lies how he must realise that I am talking to him as an adult wanting to talk to him as him being an adult too. Instead he is talking to me as his child part and thinks I am talking to him from my punishing parent part. It’s a bit confusing to explain, but it all made sense. 

The last week has been irritating, we had to give the chairs up again so we are sitting on the hard chairs that make your back start killing you after about 30 minutes. We’ve been sitting on them a week now because the Ogre had another dinner party – which of course meant we couldn’t use the kitchen to make food reliably for days. On the day of, DH said fuck it and went downstairs to make food before the party started. That pissed ogre off. Although Ogre had his first course – stew boiling away and well hot enough for company and DH didn’t remove any of his pots or pans off the stove to cook, the man still had a tantrum and ogre held up his dinner party until DH was done cooking. Ogre claimed he couldn’t serve people soup with DH cooking in the kitchen. Which made… no sense at all. 

Ogre clears plates from dinner party that night, the next morning new plates are on the table. Another fucking dinner party? Are you KIDDING me?! But yes, it’s true. That was three days ago and nothing has happened nor have we been told anything. There has however been pots of curry made and it’s the princess daughters birthday. She gets a dinner party for her every year on her birthday. So we guess the family will be over here today. I wonder how many will get sick? I mean the trays of chicken and pork have been sitting out. The chicken two days, the pork a week now unrefridgerated! I thought it was for the other dinner party but nope! So, the house stinks like dead rotting carcasses again. 

 

What’s on the menu today to eat… same thing as last night .25 fajita wrappers we found at Tesco with peanut butter. Awesome. It’s crap like these meals that are making so many of my existing health conditions flare up weekly/monthly. But what can you do? 

Semi good news…

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Well, don’t get too excited. A few things happened this week. First I got a call back about a job I applied for that was in town. Found out it wasn’t a care home at all but one of the places that require you have a car to drive around to people’s houses. I live in a small walkable town, no problem right? Except it wasn’t for my town, it was for a town about 15 miles away. Why it was advertised for this town specifically I’ll never know. I was a bit irritated at that. Second thing I keep apply to another job in town and taking their online tests and they were not interested in me for a manager position, fair enough but were happy to interview me for a associate position. I had the interview the other day and I think it went ok… except, this position isn’t in town either! Its for a store that’s yet to be built and they didn’t have an option to put in the ad that it was for a store not existing yet so they put my local store. I was a bit disappointed and it is apparently part time, the ad did not say that either. So, I may be able to swing it. DH thinks the store is about 5 miles away. I guess I could walk it, I really find paying for buses wasteful. Specially if you only work part time that really eats into your money. So I told the man I’d find a way to get to the store if hired.

 

The bad news, I had to walk to the interview in my dress shoes, I thought it odd if I brought my sneakers along in a bag and I don’t have like a sachel to put them in, so I walked in the dress shoes. I have a metatarsal issue so I do not wear high heels often or my feet can go numb literally for months. I had some sensible looking fake loafers with a one inch heel…ugh. Well before I even got there I had blisters on my feet. I tried walking a quarter of the way home and couldn’t. I walked home in 30 degree weather through the wet pavement and puddles in my socks. I hate the pavements here, I’ve yet to see smooth ones they always are created with tiny pebbles mixed in. So that was super painful walking home, but less than wearing the shoes. I got home and looked at my feet. I won’t be walking for at least a week again. I have 4 blisters. They are about an inch and a half long and puff up about and inch. So I am walking on an inch of blister juice on each foot. I have to walk on the sides of my feet. It really is horrifying. I told DH if they don’t pop or go down in a few days I’m going to have to go to the dr and see what can be done, maybe lanced and drained. I know, no one wants to hear about this. 

A friend of ours also told us last weekend that his brother might be able to do something with my CV – forward it to people interested in the more technical world. So I’ll see how that goes. 

Anyway… more good news. I went with DH to counselling last night. It went alright I guess. I wasn’t really sure what to expect. We talked about his lying and she gave him a pamphlet on some info about joining a porn addicts group. I’m not sure when he’d find time to go, but maybe just having that piece of paper will make things more real for him. Right now I really don’t care, all I care about is getting back to the gym, enjoying the surprisingly nice weather outside and getting a job. 

The whole foot this has really pissed me off. Now I’m back to not doing much at all, much like the whole of Dec when I was sick. Doing anything that requires standing is a real hassle and painful. I hope these blisters go down soon.

Happy New Year!

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DH had to work on New Years eve until late be we were still determined to celebrate it. We had always wanted to light a sky lantern so he bought one and brought it home. We went out to our spot away from civilization and as we finished reading the instructions it began pouring down rain. So, we drove home and went to bed instead. I hope that’s not a good indicator of how the year is going to go. 

More irritating job declines. A “somewhat local”  (Ok, so it’s quite far away and no idea how I’d get there) grocery store finally had an opening so I spend 45 minutes trying to register on their site, get my conf email and start applying. Oh. Not for losers like me. You need to provide two UK ONLY educational or work references. Well, that’s a problem when you haven’t had a job or gone to school here yet. If you don’t provide that info or it’s wrong the app gets dumped. No way to put in any other info than UK. So that’s really disappointing. 

The ogre was out for a few hours the other day so I thought I would try to rearrange the freezer so that DH and I’s food is hidden, all in one place and not subjected to heavy ass hams tossed on it. I spent a good time on this yesterday. The ogre has gone to take gran home today (I think) and I go in there to get meat out. All the bags I arranged in there last night? Moved. Tossed to the side. The full bag of meat we had? I don’t know where a quarter of the meat has gone to. It has just disappeared. Frozen meals we got on the discount aisle for like .10p with a plastic wrapping on them? Now thrown back under huge cuts of meat. He went out and bought even more cuts of meat and not like they are on sale and he’s stocking up either. So there is no way I will be able to freeze meals now and store them as it is. Before it was going to be a challenge and after the rearranging I thought I could squeeze a few in. No way now. I’m so pissed I spent yesterday rearranging the freezer instead of hanging out with DH on his lunch break (because that’s when the ogre left) and now it’s fucked. I guess DH can help me root around in the freezer and find out where the ogre has hid the rest of our meat if he didn’t just randomly take it with him. (I’ve already checked the bins, but we already know he has a place where he hides things to throw away or just throws them away while he is out)

The ogre also bought a ton of fruit while the gran was here – bananas, apples, pears, oranges, lemons, limes, plums etc. The gran hasn’t been eating them. I come downstairs today and they are all gone. They were there last night. Oh, the ogre has thrown all the fruit into the bin. Ok.

Possible Sinus Infection

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Well, DH and I have been sick off and on a  month now and not feeling any better. I spoke with someone yesterday who used to work in the medical field and was told we both probably have a sinus infection. Which would explain the horrible cheek pain, headache and the intense pain of sitting at the computer more than ten minutes at a time the last two weeks. Even on the lowest bright setting it is like paper cuts to my eyes! I was advised I should try steaming my face for a few days and if that doesn’t work then get antibiotics, which is fine because it’s the holiday season and I don’t know if I can get into the GP easily right now, so I’ll happily try whatever. All yesterday the kitchen is monopolized. There is no hob free, all the counters are full of crap. Finally the ogre gets drunk and passes out so DH makes some dinner, we eat then I notice he’s gone to bed. Great, I can go steam my face. I boil the kettle, make room on the hob and pour the water in/turn it on. Two minutes pass. I’m still waiting for the pot to start boiling. Nope! Here comes the ogre! So I say F it and go back upstairs. I’ll see if I can try it  tonight after he’s gone to bed. I was just so mad last night.

DH has been going through an old diary of his moms that the ogre didn’t find yet and reading it. It doesn’t seem anything personal, but more of a – I went to the store today, I talked to this person today thing. No personal thoughts. Some more memories have come up while reading the journal, one of them being his dad cheated on his mom multiple times and her telling DH about it. When I first came here he went to find matches in his dad’s room and found a bottle of viagra. He asked me about it. It was very awkward. And no, it wasn’t for use with ogre’s wife. It would be impossible with her condition for them to do it. He told me last night his mom did not like the housecleaner. I have told DH before I suspect something between the two. When I came here I was cleaning the house and DH and I mentioned I could continue cleaning to earn my keep while I wasn’t allowed to work. Ogre would not get rid of the housekeeper. “It’s very complicated” he would say and blow us off. He would keep telling us that he needed to give her a job or else she couldn’t get pregnant via IVF. Ok. I’m sure she could get another client. He also has this pet name he calls her. Anyway a couple weeks ago we saw his overnight bag in the hallway along with a wine bag with a bottle of wine and a card for her. If it was a b-day or Christmas gift why not give it to her the next week when she came? (this was before Xmas) It’s pretty obvious he was dropping it off. At her house? That would be too unprofessional, at another of her client’s house while she’s working? Again, unprofessional. Bit odd if you ask me. I had to make another tasteless joke to DH as the woman is Polish. Does she have a visa? Maybe he’ll get in a relationship with her and see if he can try to sabotage her visa too!

Rethinking Meal plans

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The ogre offered DH some of the curry he took to someone’s house the other day. You know, the pork curry he let sit out for days? He told DH he put it in our fridge. First, the ogre’s fridge which is 2-3 times the size of ours (we have a tiny under the table dorm fridge) is completely full of food that he purchased for dinner parties, holiday crap and the like. Most of it is just rotting away in there as usual. He has no room in there, so it put the curry in ours, then asks DH if he wants it. DH says no. We have been making out quite well at the nightly discount aisle on bags of lettuce, vegetables etc. So our fridge is fairly full. Now we have his curry crap in our fridge which I think is just in there because he didn’t have space. 

Ogre has been ignoring the plumbing issues again. Last time the ceiling down below in the dining room began to leak because of it. Then the contents of the toilet backed up into the tub. DH was actually very sick during that time with um… the craps when that happened. Shit all backed up into the bathtub. The tub has not drained properly in 2-3 weeks. Finally it just stopped draining. It is now full of large black pieces of mystery stuff and chunks of green that look like shredded leaks. We are not allowed to use the tub nor the sink in the bathroom. I’ve not bathed in three days now. This is just stupid and preventable. 

Ogre is having his dinner party this afternoon, as figured he confiscated the chairs. I guess I should be lucky I have a chair at all. DH and I took some others from downstairs that no one uses. They are so ungodly uncomfortable that’s why. Sitting in it for two days the last time the chairs were taken actually gave me a large black and purple bruise on my thigh about five inches by three just from sitting on it. I swear it is without a doubt a torture device!!

There were more money issues due to DH not paying attention to his bank account. 😦

I’m trying to get our grocery bill down, right now we spend 25 pounds a week on meat and eggs and about 20 at the store for misc items. I know we could eat a lot cheaper/better if we could use the kitchen reliably, but that’s not going to happen any time soon. I’m trying to get the meal cost down to under a pound per person per meal. Right now we just eat discount aisle food or ramen for most meals. I’d like to make and freeze a few meals which I can try to thaw on the radiators upstairs. But we need to spend money on plastic boxes, so every time the ogre gets curry now we are going to take the boxes out of the trash and save/reuse them. I even wonder how this will go. The ogre loves buying expensive large cuts of meats and putting them in the deep freeze, he seems to just toss them in. The result is that other crap he’s bought like packs of sausages, pre-made hamburger patties, pies get either smashed or the plastic wrapper gets torn allowing freezer burn. I joked with DH saying I’m glad we couldn’t afford a wedding cake, because if we froze it and ate it on our anniversary it would look unrecognizable due to the ogre just tossing stuff in there on top of it. So half of me wonders if the plastic containers which aren’t that strong will be shattered. We’ll see. All I can really do is try. 

More job hunting. It’s been over a year of applying for jobs. I’ve applied to at least a couple thousand. I’ve come to the conclusion no body wants me. Maybe it’s a sign. Even the shit jobs don’t want me for cleaning toilets. My old career field won’t have me back since I’ve been out of work over a year – said a recruiter last year and seems to be the case. Sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever get out of this hell hole. All I need is someone to take a chance on me!! I’m a good loyal employee and have always got raises or awards, I always do more than my fair share! I hate sitting here unable to do a damn thing until someone hires me. I was even desperate last year and tried catalog selling door to door which netted me in the negatives. And it’s not like once I have a job everything will be fine and dandy, it will still take months to scrimp and save to move out!! So please, someone give me a job, now would be nice!!

Well, the lunch/dinner guests have arrived. It absolutely sucks being broke as fuck, jobless and seeing people spend more money on a lunch that my husband and I do a month and a half for both of us on groceries, then knowing most of it will just be going to waste!