Two more loads

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Well, about two more loads of stuff (Where we’ll put it who knows) and we’ll be out of here. Usually I go over to the new place in the morning but today I am staying here. The ogre mentioned something on his calendar about the boiler and it being a five hour window for something. A repairman maybe? The boiler isn’t acting up though. Regardless he is here. I stayed because I don’t want him coming into the room nor the excuse again that a repairman needs in here (when he really doesn’t). Either way if there is repairs we were not told anything about it, as usual. 

We’ve not said anything to the ogre and won’t until we leave unless he finds out sooner and then he will tell us that if we have money to move out then we have money to give him. We barely have enough to move and no clue if enough to actually eat for the next month, but we’ll figure it out! So we definitely do not have money to give him to stay in the loop of being unable to leave. I read the visa requirements that are needed at the end of the year for me. One of them states that if you have lived with friends/family during any part of my two years on the visa that I must have a note written and signed by that person confirming it. So who knows if the ogre will. DH has a statement typed out and will print out later for the ogre to sign. Who knows if he will. If he does not I’m not sure what we will do when we apply for the visa. He may outright refuse. This may be visa sabotage attempt number seven… sad it even got to one let alone would be up to seven. How do you explain to the people deciding if I can stay with my husband that the ogre has a personality disorder, is sick, malicious and abusive? So, I hope he just signs the damn thing so we can continue to get on with our lives ogre/abuse free.

 

Anyway, about 4.5 hours and I can eat breakfast. Been waiting 4 so far. It will be so nice when I can actually eat, go to the toilet, bathe etc when I need to. So even though the other place is a junk pit hell hole at least with a little work it will be decent and I can live my life again. 

 

New Place progress

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As I was clicking “new post” just a moment ago I got a phone call. One of the places I applied for (the faeces place) and interviewed for said that they wanted me for the job. It doesn’t start for about two weeks, but at least it’s something. Although their ad said in all caps “great rates of pay!” and it ended up being 5p over minimum wage. I laugh. After the last job where they changed the rate of pay on me I wonder if someone else would have gotten better pay? Ah well, at least it is something to tide me over for about six months then I will need to find another job. It also allows me to have weekends off I believe, is on the way to DH’s job so I can get dropped off and if there is no overtime I have evenings free. So, all in all it is gross work but works out ok for the meantime. It is amazingly hard in my area to find full time work that is unskilled.  In the meantime I will work on learning some other skills that may help me next year with a better job.

Anyway, things are going OK at the new place – getting it ready. I got most of the room finished. I am tidying up the house a bit but stopped, the pigsty room mate told me to stop moving his things and was going to meet us last weekend to go through things but something happened and he could not – then DH had a 24 hour virus that left him with a fever and he could hardly walk. I’m a bit frustrated that the room mate can’t go through his shit without us being present. We basically have to keep bags of kitchen things, bathroom and extra furniture in our room (will not be able to have room to even put the computer) and suitcases (basically the whole room filled with crap sitting on the floor) until our room mate clears out his stuff.  It is really disappointing and frustrating. There is a garage storage unit for the place and it has been full according to them for years with previous tenants stuff but they cannot find the key that or someone has taken over it. Regardless it’s somewhere for us to store stuff. Why they haven’t moved the other stuff out and their stuff in there before they lost the key boggles me. I guess I wanted them to be able to sort out their crap so we could actually move in without issue. >.> I am probably not describing this well, basically there really isn’t walking room in this house. I need them to sort this out…

Speaking of one of the roommates he seems grumpy. No thank you for working on redoing the bathroom (which lets be frank, DH and I have little money to be putting into paint, caulk, plaster repair stuff) just stop cleaning and moving his things. (Which moving his things means putting stuff together – putting books back on a shelf and putting odds and ends thrown everywhere in a box for him to sort through, etc. I really hope I don’t have to lock horns with this guy. I don’t want to go from one miserable situation to the next.

 

 

 

 

 

New place

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This post isn’t so much about the ogre, but more about our move. I have been spending the last four or so days at the new place trying to clean and fix things up. It is a bit tiring. The house is occupied by two men who haven’t cleaned this place in years. Probably at least 4 or 5. It’s a hoarder den. It took me 3 hours to clean a 4×4 bathroom the other day and I’m still only halfway done. I clean stuff while paint is drying on the walls. I am painting and repairing plaster and clearing furniture out of the bedroom. I spent five hours yesterday cleaning out the living room which is about 7×9 – that is only halfway done. 

I’m a bit frustrated. It is such a bizarre house and filthy. Whoever built it way back when built all the rooms very tiny and odd shaped. The main bathroom upstairs with a shower is about 4×4 at the max. There are no towel racks, mirrors, no places to put shampoo and such. Very strange.The kitchen is also about 3-4 feet wide. So far while cleaning the living room I found rocks on the floor. I picked them up and found that there were holes that go down to the dirt. The rocks are covering them. Things in the house that were patched or fixed look much like a five year old did it. There are paintings on the walls that were actually painted around – You move the painting and it is a different color behind it. The bed that was left in our soon to be room had slats under the mattress. But the slats were not screwed or nailed on. They were attached by mail packing tape – not even duct tape. 

So there is a lot of work to be done cleaning and sorting these guys things along with getting the room ready and trying to move stealthy. Tomorrow I will paint more and hopefully the hardware place will be open so more paint can be bought – about running out of paint. I got some moisture paint in a buy 2 get one free deal so I can kill the mold all over the bathroom and then paint it. DH and I found a charity shop that sells furniture so we got a few pieces and that will be delivered cheaply later this week. All in all things are looking up. It’s a lot of work to be done, but at least it will be a place to call home. In a few months I will try to get things fixed – like boiler, oven, lights and try to build some shelves and such for our things. Maybe keeping busy will be good, it will help me forget about here.

And with any luck I will get a call back and interview (last week they said interviews this week) about a job kind of nearby. It is a gross job dealing with… lol feces… but it may pay well and is steady work for at least six months, good hours and I may have weekends and evenings off. So pros/cons. Ugh… it’s back home – the ogre… slam slam. Can’t wait to work on the new place again tomorrow. 

Had a crappy easter

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Literally. Crappy. I woke up this morning and the ogre was still here. After waiting to see if he would leave I gave up and went to the bathroom. What is in the toilet? Just the usual pieces of shit he leaves in there for us. I thought he had gotten over that as he’s not left shit in there for us in about a month. Our counsellor says it’s his way of marking his territory. I think it’s the only way he can reliably punish us – I mean everyone has to use the bathroom sometime right? There is no avoiding it. We will see his shit in the toilet.

So I flush it and go. Before the ogre heads out he goes into the bathroom again and is in there maybe 2-3 minutes (bathroom is next to our bedroom) and I don’t hear really any sounds – no handwashing etc. He leaves. I go into the bathroom later and what do I find? He’s taken another shit and closed the toilet lid. I go downstairs, the door to the other bathroom is left ajar – that toilet is full of shit too. WTF. 

DH came home and needed to use the bathroom – what else could he do but flush it. And sadly flushing it lets him know we’ve seen it and dealt with it. Likely he gets his jollys off over it. This man is just nuts. 

A few hours later…

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It finally leaves after taking a bath so I go downstairs to get my breakfast. At you know, 6pm. There is a note on the stairway and it’s from the ogre in his barely legible writing. It says not to use the bathtub there is something wrong with the plug – and signs it “Love, dad.” Really? Love as in what? You just went on a tirade earlier. You also (I forgot to put this in the last post) again called DH and I’s marriage a project in that smug way you like to. “What are we going to do about this project?” “You mean my marriage?” “Yeah.” I love how the ogre is always involved in our project and it’s always his burden to bear. And he keeps calling it project because he knows it gets under DH’s skin and how could it not? 

It cracks me up that he signed it: “love, dad.” Has this man ever felt any love in his life. Oh, I should probably also mention DH’s birthday came and went two weeks ago. Did he get an acknowledgement, a card, anything? Of course not. However the ogre made sure to put on display near the front door a card, gift and bottle of wine for someone else’s birthday last week. 

But with any luck the ogre’s calendar says “lunch on Sunday.” It doesn’t have a time which means it could very well be another lunch party here. I’m guessing that’s why he just bought two more boxes of dinner plates. The nine sets he has already are not enough. There must be more. BUT! They are Tesco branded dinner plates… he wouldn’t use Tesco brand, his plates must cost much more than Tesco branded ones! What if the company found out it was Tesco brand!! What would they think?! At first we thought it must be a gift for someone he hates but then sure enough I see the mystery lunch entry on his calendar, so who knows. Only time will tell because he won’t tell us ahead of time, maybe in the morning of if we are lucky and that is only to claim some chairs we are using. 

Narc Rage

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Welp, it’s that time again kiddies! The monthly Narc rage blowout staring our favorite ogre!

DH and I had a huge fight last night which is not resolved and AGAIN on the backburner to the Ogre’s shit. So DH was already having a bad day. He comes home for lunch and the ogre lets him in. Not a good sign. The ogre performs these acts of kindness when he wants to trap you. You cannot run away, although I told DH he should have just turned and walked away. Instead the Ogre spoke at him (no conversation here) and told him in a sing song important voice that DH will be charged for certain things. What things?

Keep in mind that only cash is wanted not the same item/brand etc purchased for replacement.

20 pounds for rice used.

40-60 pounds (I forget) for a missing pyrex dish.

40 pound charge for finding rice (supposedly) in the sink.

40 pound charge for clearing a blocked drain over Christmas. Yes, Christmas. (Apparently we did it, never mind it was blocked with black pieces of mysterious plastic type stuff that comes out of the tap when you run your bath. Creepy? Very.)

Also the ogre again tried to bully DH into finding out how much money he makes etc. etc.

 

So DH was in tears and apparently lost his cool and talked back to the ogre. So we’ll see what further punishment comes from that 😦

So besides trying to move out a little at a tiny in a tiny car on only days that we can meet the house mate after 6:30pm and we can only move things for an hour before the guy goes to sleep (works 12’s) on a day and time DH isn’t busy with random work calls during the day, it’s not easy… oh yeah and fit all this in on times the ogre is gone! It’s madness. We only have one possible day this week and weekend to move anything and the ogre has no plans that we know of that day. We still have to paint the room and there is still shit in that room from the previous people to move. I wish two things – I could drive here and also DH didn’t use the car all day for his job. I would load stuff up and haul it over myself, but no. Nor can we hire people – no money to and you can’t tell people to come over at a moment’s notice. Some might say just let him see us moving. Um no. As much as he complains do you really think an abuser wants us to leave? No, he would no longer have control over us.

If anyone has suggestions I’m willing to hear them – must be cheap and at a moment’s notice. Also we will need to give the keys back I don’t want him trying to charge us for changing the locks or whatever. What is the best way to hand over keys with proof you did so? Video tape it?

 

Edit: I must also say we haven’t figure out what the rage is for. Yes it’s monthly but really what was the trigger. We have only two possiblities. We A) Watched tv in the living room twice last week for around 3 hours. The ogre has since been downstairs every night now in the evening watching tv which he hardly ever does. DH thinks he is cockblocking the tv now. Watching tv isn’t a big deal, it was just being out of the room that was a big deal. B) Ogre left the bathroom door unlocked twice last week. DH walked in once and I the other. Both times he was naked. Thankfully I was spared the worst as he was in the bathtub. Or could be C) When he snuck into the bedroom while I was in the bath last week and possibly spotted our heated drying rack. It could have angered him that we got around his other punishment – you know only he is allowed to use heat and the radiators to dry his clothes but we must put ours out in the cold and rain to dry and wear damp moldy smelling clothing. Who knows!

No more

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I was thinking I should start making posts stating all the things that I wouldn’t have to put up with anymore when I have moved away. I won’t remember to put them all down at once, so I will add more as I go.

 

I won’t have to worry about:

Going hungry for hours or days because I can use the kitchen.

I don’t have to wait hours to use the bathroom – toilet, bathing etc.

I can wash my laundry whenever and hang it out to dry without fear of my clothing being thrown away or brought back in sopping wet.

I can get my mail without it opened, read or thrown away without my consent.

I can talk above a whisper to DH while in the house.

I won’t have to deal with noisy or restrictive home repairs that are never communicated to us before hand which make us unable to use the bathroom for weeks etc.

I can make a phone call anytime I like and not in rushed or hushed tones.

I can listen to music.

I can go downstairs whenever.

I can have the curtain open and enjoy the day without being stared up at.

I can go downstairs without being glared at, huffed, grumbled at or blatantly ignored or knocked out of the way.

I don’t have to keep my food up in the room and I won’t have people stealing it or double dipping eating out of my jars.

I can probably wear dresses again – I won’t have a creep trying to stare down my bouses or dresses.

I don’t have to hear a door slam up to 50 or more times a day.

I don’t have to find diaherra in the toilet or shit all over the toilet seat 

I won’t have to bathe in a tub that has shit pieces in it on a daily basis.

I can hang out my towel without it being used or finding shit stains on it.

I can sit in the backyard unbothered.

I can laugh again and display happy emotions out side of the bedroom without fear of punishment.

I can get my confidence back again. 

 

More to come later.

Moving

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Now that DH and I are moving we are slowly sneaking things out of the house. We have until the end of the month. If the ogre is gone we load up our tiny car and take things over to the new place. We don’t have a key yet so we have to make sure the people are home which makes doing this a bit more hectic. I have so many mixed thoughts. First the place we are moving into is a hoarder situation and looks like it hasn’t been cleaned in years. I know I will need to clean it, which by the state of the house will take weeks. So that’s irksome. On the other hand I’m happy to be out of here.

I would love to just move all our stuff out in one or two days but we cannot. Ogre would see us. As he likes to come in our bedroom I worry he will notice things are disappearing… (Oh, his new trick – come into our bedroom and look around while I am in the bathroom taking a bath. Nice huh?) I also feel a bit dispair because DH has so much crap in here (granted he’s thinned it out over the years, but still) that we have no place to put it in the new place. A lot of it is books and we have no book shelf there. And no we cannot take any of the furniture from this room. It apparently belongs to the ogre. So no bed, no dressers, no desk or chair, nothing. I have been checking freecycle and will be hunting around carboot sales and thrift stores this week. It irks me because I have a strong feeling that once we move the ogre will just throw away all this furniture anyway (like he did in the other bedroom he redid recently) and just buy all new. So what we could use will be tossed. But, whatever. We are leaving. Finally. I’m sure when we leave people will hear what ingrates we are/were.

In good news DH has a job interview today and tomorrow. We really hope he gets the one at the care home so he doesn’t have to burn 300-400 in petrol a month for his now part timish job. We are left with basically nothing at the end of the month. I worry that if I don’t get a job soon and if he doesn’t get a better one it’s going to be very hard for us to stay out on our own. So crossing my fingers.

I did get a text and voice mail from an agency two days ago. I called back within 15 minutes. Same thing happened that always did. They will not talk to me and will not return my phone call. I’ve called 6 times now spread out over those two days. I’ve been hung up on the last time by the secretary when I mentioned that I had been calling but not gotten a call back and I was confused as to why. I mean the agent initiated contact… the same thing has been going on for over the last year. But it looks like it’s not just me, thankfully. I was reading a forum of people mentioning similar incidents. I was not aware agents had a quota to meet and that they meet that by getting your information, asking questions and then that’s it. They are done with you. Very irksome.

Well, back to filling out applications. Oh yeah the ogre laugh of the day. Dh bought a microwavable meal on the discount rack the other day. He threw away the container. Not sure if he was suppose to recycle or not. Anyway, the ogre takes it out of the bin outside and puts it back in the sink. DH was going nuts yesterday trying to remember if he did indeed throw it away or not… The ogre – this is the man who consistently put the wrong recyclables  into the wrong containers for months and would leave out a pamphlet open and on the kitchen counter for us since we were in the wrong. We would put the correct things in the correct bin and he would take them out and put in the wrong bin – then leave out the pamphlet. Then he must have read it one day because he put all the things he moved in the bins the previous day back. This is the man who I’ve seen pour out over 20 various bottles of old cleaner and chemicals instead of disposing of them properly with the excuse, “worse things happen at sea.” Oh yeah and the man who threw away recyclables the other day… So DH found the container tossed into cold water with some dishes. Ogre likes doing that. Toss anything that is oily in with the dishes so that the dishes are now infused with grease and are greasy and 10x’s grossier then when they went in. It is always left for us to wash. Thanks for making a simple job even harder. But that is how it is in ogreland.

Had an interesting week two weeks ago…

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Well I had a FT job for a week the previous week, I am unemployed now. Ah well. I was hired on for graveyard shift doing warehouse work. I really didn’t know what to expect nor did they really tell us what to expect at our sign up. We learned more on our training days. To enable me to get this job I quit my night cleaning job and morning cleaning job. (But as you know, forced to come back to it)

The FT job was hard warehouse factory work. I shouldn’t have applied for it, but thought, why not. I had to lie about some health issues I had in order to get the job. I should have known better. Working in a warehouse with back issues and carpal tunnel in both wrists will not go well. Every morning I was in pain. I now had a FT job so I quit the morning cleaning one. When I quit the morning job I texted in sick the first day, unable to really move let alone go to that job and walk back. I never got a reply. Next day I decided to quit and called my boss. Went straight to answer phone, I left a message. No reply. Almost a week later still no reply. I thought it was strange but carried on with my life. Then she called me six days later and told me I couldn’t quit… and you know the rest of the story. I feel bad for up and quitting, I admit I have always been the two week  notice person (But admittedly each time they’ve never let me work the notice period out, just taken it personal and told me to leave the next day or I am not allowed in the building the next morning I come in lol) but this time, yeah I said screw it. It’s an hour a day job.

Anyway, after quitting the morning job my training team was told that we must reach a quota mark to keep our jobs past a week. This was not told to us previously. In the entire week no one reached the quotas. By the end of the week both arms were covered in bruises – 15 on one arm, 23 on the other. I look like I have been beaten up. Thankfully the slew of bruises elsewhere are covered by clothing. Some of us were offered to train one more day to see if we could be kept on, some of us let go. I told the trainer that night that I would step down, no way I could meet quota AND then meet it everyday. So I am looking for a job again. At least I get paid for a week of FT work and I met two nice Polish people as well who I will stay in contact with.

When I applied at the place I found out an acquaintance of DH’s worked there but not what I was doing. He had a room open again (He had one last year but we couldn’t afford it then so they filled it) and I asked about it. The rent is dirt cheap but the deposit is the killer. We told him we’d take it and move by the end of the month but we were counting on my paychecks…and now I have no job. We will still try to move but for now I will scramble to find jobs.

I must also mention, my last night working there I met one of the most passive aggressive men. It was like I think working with the ogre might be like. The guy was from Pakistan and his job was to ride a fork lift to get us supplies. But he would not leave me alone and upon talking to my training team I was the only one he was being an asshole to. He would tell me to do things (he was not the manager) and speak to me like a child. Grab the box cutter from my hand and do the job or tell me how to do something when I am clearly doing it that way then come back ten minutes later and tell me the same thing! WTF. He farted repeadily when walking by me and would ask me questions like: “Have you ever had a job before?” Are you kidding me? Then he would come up and fill my crates up with heavy things and leave them on the pallet. Then he would tell me I need to put them on the scales. They are too heavy for me to lift! It’s a crate full of bottles of alcohol! I told him it was too heavy (and besides we have to weigh the crate empty first before filling it…) and he had a smug look on his face. Every few minutes he’d come over and look at my quota scores on the computer screen and make a tutting sound. Anyway, my shift was filled with him bothering me every five minutes and farting on me all night. I was ready to just walk out. I was absolutely so mad. There is more that he did, but honestly I can’t even remember it’s been about a week since.

DH told me he spoke to a co-worker about me starting there and she just cringed. She asked later how I was doing and was told I quit. She said I was brave and that the company is notorious for using up people, working them to death and paying nothing. And the company is literally just immigrants with upper management mostly British. Whoever says immigrants are coming over to steal jobs…please. I highly doubt the natives would do this amount of insane work for this amount of pay. The problem is the companies, they know they can get away with this because no one wants to hire immigrants for anything else. Our jobs are cleaning and factory/undesirable jobs.  Yes, I’ve seen immigrants in office jobs, but it isn’t as common as you might think.

So my last boss may sue me and take my wages for quitting

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I’ve had an interesting week and I will update most of the details later but I got a FT job for a week (didn’t work out, will post later) and I quit my hour a day morning job. Well now they are deciding if they are going to sue me and withhold my month’s worth of pay. 

I have not had a good run with this employer and have been waiting to get away. The few times I have to call the manager she is rude, talks over you, does not listen and treats you like an idiot. Almost two months working there and I’ve yet to get a uniform I was promised on day one. I can never get a hold of her. Infact I tried calling out sick twice last week and her phone was off so I left her two text messages. When I did finally decide to quit – again straight to voice mail so I had to leave my resignation on a voice message – that was Wednesday – I did not hear back from her until today – Monday. She sent a text that was garbled and said I needed a sick note, I asked why because I quit. She then called DH while I was out and interrogated him – when he said he felt she should talk to me and he could not give her answers she continued to bother him. 

She then told him she didn’t get any of my messages today because she was in the hospital with her kid all weekend and cut her phone off. She apparently also cuts her phone off each evening after 4pm. This was never communicated with me previously. 

I was told I cannot quit as I am under a contract. I assumed one would be mailed to me, but one has never been. To be honest I did not know I had to put in four weeks, but I was told tonight I could view a general one for all employees online at the company website. I’ve yet to find it or be able to log into the site. Apparently I must give a months notice for an hour a day job. I am Moving (more on this later) and told her that it would not be feasible to commute there to work for that hour, she was shocked that I would find it inconvenient. So after bombarding me with questions she probably had no right to ask she then told me I can’t quit and that I have to go back to work. So tomorrow I have to go back to that job. She said I must work till Friday now and they will decide my punishment. They can sue me for damages I guess and/or withhold a month’s worth of pay. Apparently this is legal. If I am lucky I will just have them take my months worth of pay. And of course suing me might make problems for my visa. So I’m pretty much held hostage here. No way can I commute to this store for an hour a day – I’m not walking 14 + miles a day to get there for an hour and I can’t afford the train and I was hoping to actually get paid. But what can you do – a cheap room with people we know opened up and we have to jump on it. We aren’t going to find 250 rent anywhere else that takes couples.