It went on holiday

The ogre went on holiday for two weeks! A first! It was wonderful! DH and I put our tooth brush, paste and shampoo in the bathroom and kept it there 🙂 Granted the jerk came home early so we had to scurry around putting things away, but it was still nice. It was nice to feel like a human being again! 

But now he’s back and here I am up in the room again. It was nice to get out of the room and even watch an hour of tv in the morning. I don’t really care about tv, but it was just something to do that let me know I wasn’t in the room. 

I don’t want to go back to just staying up here, I can get so courageous when I am not here at the house or if the ogre is away for a couple days about the situation. As soon as he returns I’m terrified. I’m just so scared of being downstairs alone with him. I guess if something happens it’s just proof that I can show to people that he is unwell. But that doesn’t give me courage. I just wish he would leave me be, but he is the kind that will intentionally follow you from room to room just to antagonize you and eavesdrop. 

I’m feeling pretty down about job stuff. The hour a day job I have is ok, but almost every other day it’s something. My supplies get stolen and no one can find them or know where they are. In three weeks my second and only dustpan has disappeared so it’s use a piece of cardboard. My broom also went missing. I’ve had my mop bucket tossed back into the tiny closet with it’s wheels broken off and tossed into a bucket of nasty water. Fine, just pick them out right, oh wait the muddy water has broken glass shards in it. I’ve come into work and found the closet completely full of ladders and whatnot to where I have to pull out items just to be able to get inside to do anything thus wasting my time. My hour long job that is supposed to be two hours or was but they won’t pay for that. Speaking of pay, I got paid today. I didn’t even get paid for two weeks of the three I’ve been working there and the pay is monthly – and the two weeks were before the end of the month. I can take a wild guess it was because my log in problem was not fixed until the third week and my boss was supposed to call payroll everyday I worked. So, now once I get this straightened out I can wait another month for it to be deposited. I despair, I really do. Maybe my boss will answer her phone this week. Who knows. 

I applied for another cleaning job on Friday and dropped by the application. I thought I was being clever by saving postage and dropping it off at the company except the company is in a business park… and after opening the door – which I thought lead to a reception I was greeting by three frightened women in a storage facility of sorts surrounded by cleaning supplies. I gave them my application but I feel like I blew it somehow. I need to call them tomorrow and see what’s up. I’ve been dreading it. Two months until we have to move out… and it isn’t going to happen. I have no idea what to do. 

I went back to the dentist. My tooth is still infected. I was told to come back in a few weeks if it still is. So that was more money out of pocket. DH is now pretty much part time hours at his job and it takes a miracle for him to apply to other care jobs. I find the job ads for him then pester him for days or weeks for him to apply to them. It is making me mad. I feel so hopeless at times. 

The grocery store where I work throws away a lot of food. I want to ask if it is going in the bin and if I can have it, but I am too shy. Actually I am afraid of when I ask they will start thinking I’m going to steal from them, like I’m so desperate to dig through their bags for off food that I’ll start stealing stuff. Granted most of the food is like cakes, but there are veggies from time to time and other useful things. I realise there is a liability as well… give me rotten food and if I get sick… they may be afraid I might sue. 

I just feel so desperate all the time. But looking at the positive, at least I made some money – granted it’s less than minimum wage but it’s something and I get out of the house for an hour each day and get some exercise.

I wanted my full pay check to try to buy DH a pair of glasses for his birthday. His glasses he’s had since he was 16 and do not fit. They make terrible black marks and indentations on his face. I’m wondering if I can barter with a store somehow to make up the cost? Maybe cleaning or something. 

Wish me good luck on finding a job soon… a job with real hours!!

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