The car died and there goes our savings


The last two weeks have been something. Some of my frustrations is from an activity not many would really understand the ins and outs of, but basically its part of an online community. I’ve had to waste at least 12 hours of my time dealing with a former member who was abusive/harrassing members who duped us twice into accepting him back in the fold under the guise of him being a different person. When I say different, I don’t mean changed. I mean they faked their identity. So, in my spare time – hobby, I’ve had to deal with another complete nutcase.

The second thing that has gone all wrong this week has been the car. It was in the shop four times in the last, now month and a half. Well, the car started acting up yet again. This time we were told it was the head gasket and that we could stick another 500+ pounds into it to repair it for find another car. We have stuck enough money in this car this year on various repairs and tires to have bought another second hand car. So, DH wanted to get a new car, which was fine. Well, I should say a new to us car. The last few days have been filled with DH unable to go to work = loss of money (plus they are giving him fewer hours now)and  his work being pissy assholes about the whole situation. I’ve learned a few things over the last couple days: car companies in the UK at least dealerships will NOT recommend used car places to customers – even if you are not buying anything. I don’t know if it’s policy or what. Finding used car companies here isn’t the easiest. Small businesses die quickly and it seems most don’t even have a website or do much advertising nor are listed in the phone book. What’s the next best thing? Word of mouth right… when we check the big dealerships for used cars why not see if they know of any smaller places or any places really they could tell us of? Nope. What you get is places that refuse to tell you of any place. Maybe another employee knows or the manager? They won’t go ask them and they assure me NO ONE in their place of employment knows of any other dealerships or independent places. Um ok. That was a  peugeot dealership by the way. Can’t say I’d recommend them…heh.

We went to a used car place – they showed us the car for two minutes – not telling us any details of the car – it’s more here, look at the outside. DH had not even looked on the inside before we were asked if we wanted the car. I said  we’d have to test drive it before making a decision. Man wants to know if we are interested in buying before the test drive. Then I tell DH I’m a bit worried buying such a tiny car that if he gets in a wreck that the engine will be right on his lap. Car salesman tells me it has excellent side impact stuff. Except I didn’t say the side, salesman dismisses what I said.  I tell the salesman we’d like to know about the car before making a decision (duh) like the mileage, previous history etc… you know stuff before you say you’ll buy it? In the end we left, the car was over our budget and the guy was annoying and not helpful.

We decide to look at another used car place so DH calls them up, apparently they don’t have a lot but rather they sell them from their home. OK. We drive all the way over with the car nearly overheating and the man isn’t there at the time we were told to meet him. He was at home, then left… I guess, then told us it would be 30 minutes before he got there and to look at the cars. (Honestly I don’t think the guy lived in that area) So we look at the cars which are all parked on a back alley near a train track. And they are all unlocked… just sitting there. They are in terrible condition. One has the c. converter welded on with a coat hanger, the car is saturated from a leak and it must have been in a wreck because we can’t get the hood open as it’s buckled. I would be surprised if the hood didn’t come flying off while driving one day. Mirrors are torn off.. and the most unusual thing…the title/registration/whatever the hell it’s called in this country is ripped up and pieces of it is scattered inside and under the floor mats. WTF. I think, are these cars even legal? Would we get forged documents?? It was all a little weird so we left post haste.

We went back to the first dealership (There were others farther away but likely we would break down going that far)and ended up getting a car about 2500 more than we had budgeted for. Ha-ha, I said budgeted, we had no budget for this. Then we were told we could have it the next day… we put money down and then found out that even though we were told how much the payment plan would be we weren’t actually approved yet. That’s right, tell people the car will be ready tomorrow then the loans not approved yet.. sigh. I swear. So now we have a courtesy car (thankfully so DH can work at least 2 days this week) So maybe Monday now… In all fairness the man working on our deal has been really nice and accommodating, but maybe they just do things differently here. So we must wait on the loan and for them to check the car out, because when we took it for a test drive last night it wouldn’t start, they had to jump it. Which just makes me cringe.  So, we’ll see. There goes our savings and here comes a car loan for the next year. What can you do? It’s almost like the final straw. No money to move out and unless a miracle happens we won’t be able to save enough for the visa next year 😦  I’ve been so emotionally wrecked the last few days.

I have learned a few things about DH – well, I knew this before… due to the life he’s lived the last 10 years taking care of his mom and not really able to do much on his own due to finances and living situation, DH knows little about how the world works. Expats that come over have their spouse to hold their hand and guide them as they learn about the new culture and how things are done – anything – from dealing with the council to how to catch a bus. I don’t. My husband doesn’t know how to do any of this and therefore can pass no information on to me. I feel completely on my own sometimes. My husband has no life experience.  Another thing, anything bad happens DH shuts down. He cannot function. I have to tell him what to do or he will just sit there and stare out the window and cry.  And I can’t tell him a list of things to do in order either or that puts his anxiety through the roof. I can’t say call your work and tell them you cannot cover this shift due to the car issue, then see if your insurance covers a courtesy car in the meantime – do this soon because it takes awhile to get answers/stuff done. Nope. That just adds to the breakdown. I have to tell him, ok, go call your work. Then remind him again once he’s put it off. then we he’s done we can go on to calling the insurance place about the courtesy car.  My husband is a mess when it comes to things.

As we were cleaning out the car, I found an invoice from feb where the car place that did the MOT (inspection) wrote down there was an oil leak and other advisories. Did DH read or ask about it when he was there? Nope. He stuck it away in the glove box and I never saw the paper until now. That oil leaked for at least 7 months before it was attended to. I even pointed out the leak a few months before we did something with it – as that’s when I first noticed it gunking up the driveway. If he had just read it on the service report we could have gotten it taken care of! Next thing on the sheet – they couldn’t test for juttering on the car due to the low amount of fuel. First, that would have possibly caught the issue we’ve been having for months, second he didn’t read that they didn’t perform the test, third I’ve told him a dozen times to keep the car above E, it is only going to suck up the grot and any rust in the tank and have it running through his engine which can cause damage. Nope. I am dumb. It took the mechanic last time saying it for him to start having it fuller. (And that is on occasion!!) Sometimes this life feels like an uphill battle and he is not helping. I told him I will be taking control of more things now. I can’t not. I thought having him handle “life”things would make him more vocal and have more self esteem about things but it’s not. And yes, I’m angry. There are more things I’m angry about. LIke the fact every time the car gets cleaned out its by me. And DH eats in the car for work and never takes out garbage. There were 31 bottles of soda and water in the back seat alone and food wrappers everywhere. There was even a rotting sandwhich in the back. I realise everyone has their own idea of clean – personally I was the weirdo that would not eat in my car, checked my car daily for dents/dings, washed, polished the leather, did the tire shine etc weekly. I was that person. I don’t expect DH to be like that, but damn the filth in that car is ridiculous….disgusting. I told him already he is NOT doing that to this new car. We’ll see. I asked him to please put trash in the bag I provided for him in the other car and he never did… so you know, no real hope there.


The next day


After sitting DH down and having a “discussion” (ha-ha! Takes two people talking to have one of those!) with him, the Ogre was back to pretending to be nice the next day. DH waited around to make food then finally gave up and went downstairs while the ogre was in the kitchen. The ogre had his extra nice act on and was asking DH “Do you need this space to cook in? Do you want me to move this pan? Do you want some parsley, I picked too much?”

It almost sounds like something a normal human being would say. Keyword: Normal. The ogre does not ask if you need things moved nor will move them for you. He could give a shit less. Infact he will try to take even longer in the kitchen or go at a snails pace just to be in your way! If you bluntly ask him when he’ll be done in the kitchen he’ll dance around the issue or tell you a certain time and still be in there an hour or two later! 

So DH curtly said No to his questions, made our ramen and came back upstairs. DH was also asked if he wanted any of the left over soup or tiramisu the ogre made for his dinner party. (At least DH said it was suppose to be tiramisu – it looked like someone threw up chocolate pudding in a fish bowl and covered it with melted chocolate and wads of coca dust.) This is after both cream filled items had been sitting out over a day and a half. Um, no thanks. Thankfully the ogre ate the entire tiramisu that night (A fish bowl about 8x6ish inches) so we never had to see that again. 

Nothing much else to report, same old…

We did have an amusing incident last night. The ogre apparently passed out on the toilet last nite and was asleep in the bathroom for around two hours. How did we know? By the snores…